Solar Flare
by stardust2002
Summary: Set after "Eve Ate The Apple"- What happens to the crew when they acquire Gamma and how do they deal with the consequences of living with aliens they know nothing about? Full cast, canon pairings, heavier on Zoe/Donner. WIP.
1. Chapter 1

**~ Solar Flare ~**

_Chapter One_

He woke up sweating. Again. It was the seventeenth time he'd had the dream (yes, he was counting) and it never failed to unsettle him.

Donner dressed quickly and headed up to the observation deck. Looking at the stars, the vastness of space, had always given him a calmness he could never explain - particularly to his family, who'd been against his dream of becoming an astronaut since the first time he'd voiced it at age nine.

Deep breaths calmed him down but the chill of the air on his sweat-soaked skin made him feel cold. _Should have worn more than just a t-shirt, _he thought ruefully.

"Cold up here, isn't it?" A soft voice from behind broke into his thoughts. _Her _voice. Of course; no one else would be up at this hour.

She came and stood beside him, arms crossed against her chest as she stared out into the darkness. He stole a quick glance at her, seeing the same tenseness and disquiet that filled his soul.

"The dream ... " he began quietly.

"I know." Zoe's voice was small and scared and though she'd always looked vulnerable with her girlish looks, now was the first time he'd heard the vulnerability in her voice.

He turned to face her. "Zoe ... "

"Don't let it happen Donner." Her voice cracked as she turned to him, tears spilling out of her eyes. "Don't let me die out there."

"Aw, Zoe ... " He gathered her into his arms and pulled her close. His heart ached as sobs wracked her body and she heaved against him. "I promise I won't let anything happen to you."

He kissed the top of her head and the smell of her hair sent a sudden spike of pleasure through him. Before he was aware of doing it, he'd cupped her face and was kissing away her tears. "I promise I won't let anything happen to you Zoe," he murmured between kisses. "I'll take care of you. I won't let anything hurt you."

Soon his lips found hers and he kissed her without reservation. She returned his kisses willingly, both of them seeking and finding the comfort they so desperately needed from each other. Donner, aware of the fact that while the cameras were off now, they could be turned on at any moment, maneuvered them back to the cubicle he called home for more privacy.

Clothes were shed and bodies intertwined, the coldness of the air around them forgotten in the warmth of one another.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * *

Zoe lay with her head on his chest, knowing she should get up and go but loathe to leave the protective cocoon of _them_ that they'd created. Donner's heart still beat quickly, also as if unwilling to let go and come back to reality. It couldn't last, much as she wanted it to.

"I should probably go," she whispered, making no move to get up.

"Yeah ... " He left the sentence hanging, as he was wont to do at times. "I guess."

She sighed, took a deep breath and pushed herself up, knowing that if she didn't do it now she never would, and that getting caught here with him would create questions she really didn't want to answer. Particularly from Jenn.

They stared at one another, blue eyes meeting brown in a gaze that was inexplicable had they even cared to try.

"We're not supposed to be doing this," Zoe said quietly, not sure if the words were a reprimand or merely a reminder.

"No, we're not," he answered, voice just as soft and ambiguous as hers. "But ... "

"I should go," she interrupted, pushing herself off the bed and pulling on her sweats.

"Zoe ... "

She pulled her sweatshirt back over her head and turned to face him. "It's our little secret Donner. You know we can't tell anyone."

"So what do we do?"

"Pretend like it never happened."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * *

Jenn poured another mug off coffee and handed it to Zoe. "Good morning." Then her eyebrow raised as she caught sight of the dark circles under her friend's eyes. "You don't look so good."

"Thanks Jenn. You sure know how to make a girl feel good." She was joking but there was a bit of a sting to her words.

"You know what I meant."

Donner and Wass wandered into the kitchen area, also in search of coffee.

"Didn't sleep well," Zoe said shortly, answering her friend's query.

"Bad dreams?" Jenn asked, now looking sympathetic. "We all have those sometimes."

"Something like that, " Zoe said, catching Donner's eyes for a brief second as he looked over at her.

"Have a second cup of coffee," Jenn said, bringing the pot over to her. "They don't call it 'go juice' for nothing."

"Thanks." Zoe drained her mug and held it out for refilling. "So what's on the agenda today?"

Donner raised an eyebrow. "Well that's up to Ted, but as we're only forty-eight hours away from landing on Venus I'd say doing a dry run of the landing would be a good idea."

"You're capable of good ideas?" Ted's large frame appeared behind Donner, his smile shining over the other man's shoulder.

"Ha ha, very funny."

Zoe felt a shiver go up her spine. They were all acting so very normal. She didn't feel normal, not after seeing Beta ... whatever it was, and not after The Tomato Incident. (She'd taken to thinking about it with capital letters.) She couldn't possibly feel normal after seeing it, didn't know if she ever would again. _ Perhaps that's why_, she thought, with a sudden flash of understanding, as she looked at their faces. _They're trying so hard to make everything seem normal because the alternative is impossible to face. An alien lifeform is inside each and every one of our heads. Knowing our thoughts, our secrets, our desires. _

Wait, not everyone. Wass and Jenn both hadn't had hallucinations. Why?

"Zoe, you have a problem?"

She flushed, not realizing her face showed her confusion until Ted addressed her. "What should Jenn and I be doing?"

"Do what you normally do every day."

"Gotcha," Jenn said brusquely, putting down her coffee cup and moving into the hallway. "I'll see you there," she called back to Zoe.

"Yeah ... " Zoe would have said more but figured it would be better to talk with her friend in private.

Paula walked into the kitchen just as the viewscreen came to life. Goss's face, unsmiling as always, filled the room.

"Today is dry run day," he said without preface. All heads nodded; they knew the protocol. "I expect things to go smoothly. I'll be checking in on the hour, every hour. Paula, are you ready?"

She flexed her thumb and nodded decisively. "I'm ready."

Goss nodded, the closest he ever came to showing approval. "Good. I'll see you later."

The screen went black and there was an uncomfortable silence in the room.

"You heard the man," Ted said eventually. "Let's get to it."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * *

"Jenn, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. Who says anything's wrong?"

Zoe put her hands on her hips and gave her friend 'the look'. "I do. Now give."

"Nothing is wrong," Jenn insisted. "I'm just bored. You know as well as I do that there's really nothing for us to do until we arrive at Venus. I'm a little tired of the same-old, same-old."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I need new samples to work with." Zoe relaxed and headed over to her work area. "There's maybe an hour's worth of work here each day and then what are we supposed to do? Just stay out of everyone else's way while they do the real work?"

"We're only the scientists. It's not like we do anything important." Jenn's tone was bitter.

Zoe's nose crinkled as she frowned. "What's really wrong Jenn? There's something bothering you, something more than the fact that we're just paid, nonessential personnel along for the ride."

Jenn snorted. "We'll be lucky if we even get paid at all now that we've lost that trillion dollar contract. And learning that our mission is something totally different than what we thought it was and that _people knew about it without telling us before we came out here ... "_

"Beta. That's is, isn't it?"

Jenn faced her friend, hands on her hips. "You bet your sweet bippy it is. And Rollie knew about it, that's the worst thing of all. He should have told me."

"Security Jenn, I'm sure he wanted to but he was bound to secrecy."

"By Goss? That's a joke. The man's a control freak and would make using the bathroom classified if he could. Rollie's my husband, we're not supposed to keep secrets from one another."

"I know, but ... "

"I don't expect you to understand Zoe. You don't have a husband or lover back there who put your life in danger and sent you off for six years - _six years!_ - without telling you the truth about why you were out here. If you did, you'd understand how betrayed I feel."

"I suppose ... yeah, you're right. I would. But we don't know that Beta is dangerous."

"We don't know that it isn't. In fact we don't know what it is or what it does ... if it's even anything at all."

Zoe's eyebrows came together. "What do you mean? Of course it's something, we just don't know what yet."

"Maybe someone does. Maybe_ they_ do." Jenns' tone became even more accusatory. "Maybe they know everything and just aren't telling us so we can 'experience the adventure' for ourselves."

"You don't believe that."

"Maybe I do. And maybe I just don't know what to believe." She sighed and her shoulders dropped. "Can I tell you a secret?"

Zoe felt the back of her neck grow warm as she couldn't help thinking of the secret she was keeping from her friend. "Of course," she said softly. "Anything."

"Come. I need to show you."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * *

Donner sat at the controls in the tiny Venus lander doing the fourth set of instrument checks and trying hard to keep his mind focused on the task at hand. It wasn't gripping enough to require his full attention - particularly not after already performing the same tests three times, and what had finally happened between him and Zoe last night was pushing its way to the forefront. _Finally?_ his mind questioned. _Oh stop denying it already. You know you've wanted it since the first night you spent together. There's just something about her that's ..._

"Donner?"

Nadia's voice grated as it intruded into his privacy, and he flinched visibly. "Are you okay? You look a little ... off."

"Just tired," he said shortly, turning back to the controls.

She stepped in behind him and began to massage his shoulders. "You're feeling very tight." She leaned forward and touched his ear with her lips. "I know just the thing to fix that."

He shrugged her off. "I don't think so. I'm busy."

She dropped into the chair beside him. "Well I didn't mean right _now_."

He glanced at her briefly. "No, I don't think so Nadia. It's best that we don't." Her eyes narrowed as the silence between them lengthened. "What?" he said eventually, shrugging defensively. "I'm not allowed to say no?"

"It's her, isn't it?"

"Her ... her who? What are you talking about?"

"Zoe. You love her."

"That's ridiculous."

"Maybe," Nadia said slowly, "but you're in love with her all the same. You can't hide it."

"Pshaw." Donner made an inarticulate noise and turned back to the control board. The back of his neck was extremely warm though and he could feel her smug smile as she caught sight of it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * *

Her whole body relaxed and she felt a peace and calmness settle over her as Beta's ever-rippling form and haunting song stole into her very soul. How could Jenn possibly think it was bad?

"What do you see?" Jenn asked.

"What do you mean?" Zoe answered dreamily, eyes half closed.

"What does it look like?"

Zoe dragged her eyes away. "Well you look at it and tell me," she demanded.

The girls' eyes met. "I can't see it Zoe. I can't see anything at all."

**~ TBC ~**


	2. Chapter 2

**~ Solar Flare - **

_~ Chapter Two - Beta ~_

Ajay got up and followed Rollie as the latter left the room. He knew the man was upset - any fool could see it written all over his face, and knowing what he knew about the now unclassified information regarding Beta, he could make a pretty shrewd guess as to why.

"She won't stay mad forever," he said softly.

Rollie turned around. "Every day seems like forever when we're this far apart." He shook his head and threw his arms up in the air. "I don't know what to do. I've tried talking to her but she's just so, so ... "

"... angry?" Ajay supplied helpfully.

"No, it's not even that. I could deal with her yelling at me or telling me what an asshole I am for not telling her, but this is something I've never seen before."

"You haven't been married very long," Ajay said tactfully.

Rollie shook his head vehemently. "No. I _know_ Jenn. She's an emotional person. She screams. She yells. She throws things." A wistful smile pulled his lips up for a few seconds. "When she's upset, you know it and she doesn't let go until it's resolved. Now she's acting withdrawn and quiet and just won't talk to me. It's as if she's disconnected herself somehow. I've never seen her like this before."

Ajay felt sympathy for his friend. It always hurt him inside to see his friends suffering. "She's never felt as if you'd betrayed her before either," he said with quiet wisdom. "And you're not there for her to throw things at." He put a comforting hand on Rollie's shoulder. "Give her some time. I'm sure she'll come around and yell at you eventually."

* * * * *

"Are you sure about this?"

A look of annoyance crossed Paula's usually cheery face. "Of course I'm sure. It's fine." She waggled her thumb.

Wass shrugged. "I'm just saying ... I know you're dying to do this but maybe you'd be better off waiting for Mars. Give yourself a few more weeks to heal."

"I am fully capable of piloting that lander," she said haughtily, drawing herself up to her full five foot three inches.

"Well you're going to have to prove it," Evram said, joining them at the table. "You know Goss won't let you do it unless the sims are one-hundred percent perfect."

"They will be," Paula said confidently.

Wass nodded but he didn't look at all convinced.

* * * * *

"You can't see anything? You mean like _nothing_?"

"Empty space. I don't see anything in that compartment. Just air."

"Nothing?" Zoe was absolutely floored.

"Zip, zilch, nada."

"Do you hear the song?"

Jenn shook her head. "I wish I did," she said sadly. "You all seem so enthralled by it. I wish ... I wish I could be a part of this with all of you but it seems Beta doesn't want to communicate with me. All I got were fractal tomatoes."

"Oh Jenn, I'm sure there's some explanation."

"Really? What? Apparently we were all chosen to be up here but I don't feel very chosen since I'm the only one who can't see or communicate with the damn thing."

"You _were _chosen ... "

"Don't you see? I of all people should be the one studying it. I'm the friggin' biologist; lifeforms are my field. How can I study something I can't even find?"

"You're here for a reason," Zoe said stubbornly, "or you would have been sent back just like Ajay and Rollie. Beta wants you here Jenn. You'll just have to be patient to find out why."

"I'd have been better off being sent home. At least then I could be with my husband." She blinked rapidly and turned away. "I'll be in my room."

Zoe stood watching the door for a long while after she'd left. Beta's siren call was still pulling at her but her friend's upset had caused discord and hurt in her soul that even it couldn't wash away.

She left pod four and shut the hatch, sealing it and spinning it back to pod two - food supplies.

"Zoe?" She turned as Donner entered the corridor and came to stand beside her. "What are you doing here?"

"Jenn and I were just talking." She paused, looking for the right words. "She's pretty upset."

"I've noticed. She has every right to be. I'm pretty pissed myself and Ted ... " He smirked. "You don't want to know. Trust me."

She cleared her throat. "Is Paula ready for the sims? I'm free to get started now." She began to walk.

Donner grabbed her arm. "Zoe, wait. I don't want you to go."

"Excuse me?" Her temper flared. "This is why I came up here, to survey the planets. How am I suppose to do that from in here?"

"Please, I don't want to lose you."

"And you're sure that's going to happen based on what? The dream? Venus isn't even a part of it."

"Sharon."

"Oh great. You slept with one woman and then she died and now you're afraid I'm going to die because you slept with me too? I thought we were scientists, not soothsayers," she spat. "I'm flattered you care enough to worry about me but I am not missing out on the pinnacle of my career all because you have a bad feeling." She turned and began to walk away.

"Sharon was having hallucinations before the Mars mission."

Zoe stopped dead. She hadn't known that. Didn't know if anyone else did. "How do you know that?" She turned back to face him but kept her distance.

"She told me."

"She _told_ you?"

"We were close okay?" Donner scuffed his boot against the deck and shook his head. "I had no idea at the time ... I wish I'd known what it meant. I would have stopped her from going out there."

"So now you're trying to stop me? I'm not Sharon, Donner. The same thing isn't going to happen to me. I know what I'm getting myself into and I won't get into trouble."

"You can't be certain of that."

"Can any of us really be certain of anything?"

"I'm going with you."

She snorted. "How can you? There's only room for two of us in the lander."

He stepped towards her and lowered his voice. "You're the one who was worried about dying out there. Last night I promised I would watch over you and keep you safe. I can't do that if I let you go alone. I have to find a way to go with you."

She pondered his words for a minute, both liking and not liking the implication in them. "Paula's not going to give up without a fight."

He raised an eyebrow. "Good thing I've had a lot of practice fighting."

* * * * *

Paula's hand shook as she took the control for the first time - as much from excitement as from nervousness. She swallowed hard and smiled up at Zoe.

"You ready to get started?" Zoe asked.

Paula nodded. "I'm so nervous! I've waited for this for so long and I came so close to not making it ... " She pulled the St. Christopher medal out of her pocket, kissed it, and stuck it to the lander with a piece of gum. "This is God's plan for me. I know this is exactly where He wants me to be and He's doing everything to make sure it happens." She bowed her head and breathed a quick prayer. "Okay, let's go."

The simulation didn't go well. It took three tries before she could get the lander to hit the surface smoothly, but even by the fifth try she couldn't get it to dock with the Antares without crashing.

Zoe's heart went out to her as Paula cursed and buried her face in her hands. Then she saw the blood.

"Paula, your thumb."

Paula lifted a sweat and tear-stained face and stared at her bloody thumb as if it were something she'd never seen before.

"I'm so sorry Paula," Evram's voice came over the intercom.

"I'm sorry," Zoe echoed in a whisper.

Paula continued to stare.

* * * * *

"Well that's it Donner, Paula failed so you're up for the trip to Venus."

Goss's words filled him with twice the relief he'd expected - firstly, for getting to go to the planet with Zoe, as he was positive it was the right thing to do, and secondly, that he hadn't had to antagonize Paula - and probably the rest of the crew, by insisting his way was the right way.

It was as if destiny was smiling on him this time around. Destiny, or perhaps Beta ... _Maybe they're one in the same._ But he rejected the thought immediately. He was a scientist; he didn't believe in all-powerful beings pulling the strings of his life. His destiny was what he made it.

"I'm ready," he said.

"Give Paula a little time," Goss said with uncharacteristic sympathy. "At 1400 you and Zoe can begin the sim sequence again."

Nadia smirked at him as he nodded to the already dark screen. "You and Zoe, together on Venus. How sweet."

Ted seemed to sense trouble between them. "Nadia, can you go check to make sure we're still in proper orbit? I can't let anything else go wrong today."

She nodded and left but not without giving Donner a backwards glance.

"What was that about?" Ted asked after she was gone.

"Oh nothing." Donner shrugged. "She's just got it into her head that there's something going on between us."

"You and Zoe? That's a joke. She hates you."

Donner chuckled though his face felt warm. "Sure feels that way sometimes."

Ted smiled. "I'm off to go see how Paula's doing. I suspect it ain't going to be pretty though."

* * * * *

"So it looks like you're stuck with me after all."

Zoe allowed a brief smile to cross her lips as an indicator she was pleased. "I feel bad for Paula," she said, aware that their every move and word was being monitored.

"I know. It's a tough break for her. At least we'll be out here for a while though, and there are enough other planets that she'll get her chance."

Neither she nor Donner said what he was thinking - Beta hadn't wanted Paula on this particular mission. Would it let her take any of the others, or was her place elsewhere?

Zoe ticked off a few boxes on her clipboard. "Are you ready Donner?"

"Ready."

The simulation went perfectly, even down to Zoe finishing his sentences and Donner anticipating what she was going to ask even before she spoke. They were like a team that had worked together for years. He stared up at her when it was over, pleased but unsurprised it had gone so well. There was just something about her ... about them ...

"That's what I like to see," Ted's voice said cheerily through the 'comm. "Good job you two. Now go, get some R and R for the rest of today. You've got a busy couple of days coming up."

"Copy that." Donner stood. It was cramped in the lander when they were both standing behind the seats.

"Good," Zoe said.

"Good." He nodded in return.

"You'd better do that well tomorrow," she admonished, "because if you kill me, I'll kill you."

Donner smiled. "Deal."

**~ TBC ~**


	3. Chapter 3

**~ Solar Flare ~**

_Chapter Three - Gamma_

The morning of the Venus landing dawned crisp and clean, the sky azure-blue and the sun glowing brighter than anything she'd ever seen before. At least that's how Zoe imagined it. She'd been dreaming of home during the night and while the argument she'd been having with her mother hadn't been pleasant, the scenery around them had been breathtaking.

"Your heart rate's a little on the high side today Zoe."

She smiled at Evram. "I think I can be forgiven for being a little nervous, don't you? I mean, I'm going to be the first person ever to walk on Venus."

"Absolutely." He returned her smile and then his eyes wandered beyond her. "Donner, you're late."

"What?" Donner shrugged as he hopped up on the examination table beside Zoe. "I'm not late, she's just a keener."

Zoe elbowed him.

"Ouch!"

"Astronauts don't say "ouch" Donner," she teased.

"Apparently they do now. I just did." Their eyes smiled as they shared the memory.

"Well quit goofing around and let the doc do his thing," she said with mock severity. "We've got work to do."

Donner pouted. "You take the fun out of everything."

She smacked him again. Harder this time.

"Ouch!"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~* * * * *

The checklist seemed endless and Zoe's mind wandered.

"Landing systems?"

"Nominal."

"Spare O2?"

"Nominal."

"Pressure?"

"Nominal."

Even Donner sounded bored. Zoe just couldn't seem to stay focused on what she was supposed to be doing. Her mind kept wandering. They'd all come to see her off and wish her well on Venus except Paula and Jenn. Paula she understood; Jenn's no-show hurt. She knew her friend was upset but she figured Jenn would have been able to put those feelings aside for a short time to wish her well. If their places had been reversed she felt quite certain that's what she would have done. _Perhaps, but you can't even begin to know how she feels at being the only one left out._

"Zoe? You okay?"

She flushed. "Sorry. My mind wandered off there for a moment."

"Well put a leash on it or Goss is going to declare you unfit."

She flashed him a quick - well as quick as her Venus suit permitted - smile.

"I'm going to keep private channel three open."

"You think we'll need it?" she asked.

Donner shrugged. "You never know. Sometimes there are times when you say things you don't want the rest of the world hearing."

She smiled gratefully.

"Everything's looking good at this end," Goss said brusquely, interrupting them.

"The board's greenlighted here," Ted added.

"Nominal here," Donner said easily. Zoe envied him his ability to compartmentalize his emotions. She knew they were there; they were rarely far from the surface whenever she was concerned, but he was always able to flow back into easy professionalism without giving any hint there was anything more under the surface. Perhaps that's what experience had done for him. She was like an uncertain teenager, still feeling her way through with all the grace of a bull in a china shop.

"Remember to clear your mind and listen to Beta's song, Zoe," Eve reminded her. "It will guide you if you let it. Don't force it, just let it happen."

"Roger that," Zoe said. She was still uncertain as to how she was going to clear her mind and become "zen" when she was crazy-excited about going where no one had ever gone before, but if there was anything she was learning from the seasoned astronauts around her it was to act confident and assured even when that was the last thing she felt inside.

"You ready to do this Zoe?" Donner said softly, and she knew without being told that he was on their private channel.

She nodded.

"I've got your back. Remember that. And don't hesitate to call for help. I'll be here."

Their eyes met and lump grew in her throat. "I know."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~* * * * *

_It was late. She hadn't noticed the darkening windows as she'd worked but upon stepping outside the training centre it hit her quickly. As did the chilled air. She shivered and crossed her arms over her chest, picking up the pace._

_"Need this?" _

_She stopped dead and turned her head as Donner threw his ISO jacket over her shoulders. She was about to protest but as she looked into his face the words died. "Thanks," she said instead. "It's cool out here."_

_"What are you doing here so late? Classes ended three hours ago."_

_"I know, I just needed to work on some ... stuff."_

_Their eyes met, reliving the time earlier that day when she'd failed a particularly important hand-eye coordination test. _

_"I'm never going to make it through, am I?" Zoe said sadly. "Not when I'm competing against people like you who can do all of this stuff in their sleep and who have all sorts of field experience."_

_"Ability isn't everything and neither is experience. Give yourself time - you're new to all of this. You have what they're looking for, you never give up no matter how hard it is for you. You've got the right attitude and that's half the battle won." Donner looked away and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "Besides, experience isn't always a good thing. Trust me."_

_Something changed in the way she saw him in that moment. He was a man with a tragic past that he was never going to be able to escape and that would colour everything he did in the future, not an arrogant jerk who tried his best to show up everyone else and acted like he knew everything there was to know. He only projected that image on the outside because that's exactly what he wasn't on the inside._

_She reached out and touched his arm - the first time she'd made a move towards him since their night together. "If I make it, I want you up there with me."_

_He was an enigma - God knows she'd tried to figure him out though he was a master at keeping his emotions under lock and key. But in that moment she saw something shining in his eyes at her words of affirmation. Something like pride._

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~* * * * *

"You okay Zoe?"

It was an effort to drag herself back. She'd imagined Venus would be incredible and it didn't disappoint in the slightest. In fact it was more incredible than anything her imagination could have ever conjured up ... times infinity. It was an experience of a lifetime. She drank in large, slow breaths, forgetting that she was enclosed in a thick, atmosphere-resistant suit and that even if she hadn't been, it would have killed her in seconds.

"Zoe!"

The panic in his voice brought her back. "I'm here Donner."

"Thank God. Give me some numbers. Is the suit holding up okay?"

"Seventy-two point one psi and holding. All systems nominal."

"That's what we're reading down here," Rollie confirmed.

"First person ever to walk on Venus," Eve said, voice reverent. "Congratulations Zoe. You should be super proud of yourself."

_I am_, she thought. "I couldn't have done it without all of you."

"Here's to teamwork," Eve said with a smile and Zoe could hear the clinking of glasses among the applause coming through the comm. She felt giddy.

"Why didn't we bring beer, Ted?" Donner complained. "How can we have a proper toast without beer?"

Zoe burst out laughing.

"Actually we do have some beer along," Ted broke in.

"You're kiddin' me! Where've you been hiding the stash?"

"Paula made me promise not to tell. Scouts honour."

"You were never a boy scout," Donner scoffed.

"Truer words have never been spoken."

The laughter of her crewmates faded into the background as another sound made its way into Zoe's consciousness. She closed her eyes and began to walk. The sound was faint but it was definitely there - Beta's song. Well not quite the _same_ song ...

"Eve, I think I can hear it."

"The music?"

"Uh huh."

The comm lines grew silent, as if they were all straining to hear it as well.

"Talk to me." Donner's voice was low but insistent.

"It's beautiful Donner. Like music from Heaven."

"Is it the same as on the ship?"

"No ... not quite. It's similar though. Certainly couldn't be mistaken for anything else."

"I'll bet. Leave the comm channel open and keep talking to me. I want to know everything that happens."

"Are you stalking me?"

"Guilty."

She wished she could see his smile. He didn't smile often but when he did it completely transformed his face. She dialed the open channel.

"It's growing louder as I move forward."

"Continue," Eve encouraged her, clearly excited.

"But proceed with caution," Goss added. "We want this mission completed but not at the cost of your life."

"Copy that," Zoe said. "I couldn't agree more."

"Amen," Donner said softly.

A witty retort formed on her tongue but then the keening wail of a baby's cry suddenly filled her ears and everything else was forgotten. She walked towards it, eyes still closed, focused on nothing but finding the source of the sound.

"Zoe, it's been five minutes. I need a check in."

She heard the words but pushed them aside. She needed to focus to find Gamma. Conversation interrupted her concentration so it couldn't be permitted.

She kept on walking.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~* * * * *

"Donner, what are Zoe's stats? We're not getting her through the comm." Rollie asked.

"I don't know. She's not answering me."

"Zoe, this is control. Can you give us a reading from your heads up?"

Silence.

"Zoe, come in Zoe. Are you there?"

"Zoe!" Donner called sharply. "What the hell is going on out there?"

Time passed as they tried to raise her on the comm. Donner was acutely aware of every second that passed, bringing them ever closer to the twenty minute deadline. Nearly fifteen minutes had passed already.

He switched to their private channel. "Are you there Zoe? Please answer me."

Nothing.

"Please Zoe, I need to know you're okay." He could hear the note of hysteria in his voice but had no way of stopping it. Emotion was taking over, forcing reason - his usual ally - into the backseat. "Talk to me Zoe. I don't want to lose you." He licked his lips and choked back a sob. "I lo ... "

"I'm nearly there Donner." Her voice was faint. "Just a little further ... "

"Zoe, come back now. Abort the mission. ABORT. You're nearly out of air." He didn't care that he didn't have permission from Goss or Eve to end it; he just knew he wasn't going to let anyone else, _especially the woman you love_, die on his watch. Not here. Not ever.

"I'm almost there. The song is so loud, so beautiful. Just give me a few more minutes ... "

"Zoe, you only have three minutes of air left, you have to turn around and come back now!"

"Have you reached her yet?" Eve's voice broke into their conversation and put him off-balance.

"She's going after that, that ... _thing_ and she won't come back," he spat. "She's going to die out there!"

"Keep talking to her. Try to get her back."

"I'm going out there to get her."

"What?" Goss shouted. "Are you insane?"

"I'm not letting another person die out there Mike," Donner insisted, already locking his suit and pumping the O2 pressure to full.

"You can't go out there. You don't have a proper atmospheric suit!"

"I'll make do."

"Even at full oxygen pressure you won't have more than but a minute - ninety seconds at most - before the pressure crushes you. And that's if there are no breaches in your suit." Ajay was clearly agitated and Donner knew it was as much because it was Zoe out there as the thought of he himself risking his life to save her. The two of them had been close throughout training and Donner knew the man had a soft spot for her. Hell, most of the men in the program, if not all of them, had a soft spot for her. There was just something about her ...

"I know, I know," he said. "I know the risks but Zoe needs me and I'm not going to let her down."

**~ TBC ~**


	4. Chapter 4

**~ Solar Flare ~**

_Chapter Four - Delta_

His heart pounded furiously. Faster than it had ever beat before. "Zoe, are you there?" Donner sent up a quick prayer that she'd answer and turn around before he had to leave the lander.

"I'm here Donner," she said, voice dreamy.

"I'm coming out there to get you."

"No, you can't."

A glimmer of hope caught him. Maybe this was the way to coax her back. "You won't come back on your own and I'm not leaving you here."

"You can't survive out here. I'll be fine."

"You only have two minutes of air left Zoe!"

"I've got the spare tank."

"That only gives you two more minutes."

"It's enough. I'm close - I'll get Gamma and come back. Just promise me you won't come out here."

"I can't do that. I'm not leaving you here to die."

"I'm not going to die Donner."

The sound of her voice gave him goosebumps. She was so _sure. _ "You can't know that."

"I do. Just wait for me in the lander. I'll be back."

"No can do." He took a deep breath and pulled open the outer hatch.

*** * * * * **

"God fucking dammit! I should never have let Donner go up there!" Goss paced around angrily like a caged animal.

Eve shrugged. "What choice did you have?"

"I could have pulled another alternate and had him committed. The man is certifiably crazy." His voice quivered with anger.

"If feeling a responsibility to protect your crewmates is considered crazy," she said evenly, "then they're all certifiable."

He glared at her. "None of them would be so crazy as to go out on Venus without a suit."

Eve was silent a moment, as if choosing her words carefully. "He loves her Mike. It's always been Zoe and Donner. I don't know why we never saw it."

He breathed deeply, anger dissipating slowly. "So what do we do?"

"Pray."

*** * * * * **

_He walked into the gym feeling like he'd already gone five rounds and had had the air punched out of him. Zoe was leaving. Leaving. Never to return. His heart physically ached as though he was having a heart attack._

_He began punching the bag. Anger was the only way he knew how to deal with sorrow and he had to find a way to purge these feelings and get back to normal so he could continue to function. Life had to go on without her, just like it had after Sharon._

_With each punch he drove home a truth he hadn't wanted to admit to himself._

_You love Zoe Barnes. Punch._

_She's absolutely perfect in every way. Punch._

_Any man would consider himself dead lucky to have her. Punch._

_She wanted you. Punch._

_You screwed up up and lost your only chance with her because you're still hung up on Sharon's death and won't let yourself feel anything for anyone. Punch._

_A haze of absolute misery descended over him and he punched the bag furiously in an attempt not to break down and weep. The universe had given him a second chance in Zoe - a woman who was as sweet as she was smart and as strong as she was fragile. And he'd blown it._

_Again._

_Eventually reason took over or perhaps his mind just wanted to justify his actions, but the conversation in his head took a different turn. _You _didn't make her leave; she didn't make the cut and wants to leave so as not to be reminded of her failure every day for the rest of her life. She needs to move on and find her own life. If it's this painful to let her go now, think how much more painful it would have been if you'd been together? Maybe it's a good thing you've only spent a couple of casual nights together and not invested in a deeper relationship. No need to go through that heartbreak again._

_All the reasoning in the world couldn't change the fact that he felt like his heart was breaking anyway._

*** * * * * **

Never in his life had Donner been more aware of the passage of each and every second. He had exactly seventy left to live ... as long as he remained out on Venus's hostile surface.

"Zoe," he called out, taking more seconds off as he used up precious air. "Zoe, where are you?"

The was no answer but he stubbornly marched forward, turning off the open comm to get rid of all the frantic voices in his head. He had to focus if he was going to find her and get her back. And he had to - losing her wasn't an option.

Fifty-five seconds.

He wanted to call out, to yell at her and tell her not to be a fool but the cool, logical part of his brain kept his lips shut, knowing that every second of air he wasted brought them both closer to certain death.

A faint sound came to him. At first it sounded like raspy breathing but as he continued to move forward it became louder and sharpened into something recognizable. A baby's cry.

"Do you hear it Donner?" Zoe said suddenly. "Do you hear the baby?"

"I hear it Zoe. Where is it? Where are you?"

"Over here."

Her voice was strong now; he was close. Twenty-five seconds. They weren't going to make it. A sob escaped and he lost another five seconds. "This is the end for me. I'm not going to make it back," he whispered.

"Don't talk like that," she said. "We'll make it."

"Only got a few seconds of air," he rasped, tears freely running down his cheeks. "Zoe, I never told you ... I need you to know before I die ... I love you."

The world began to grey and Donner knew it was the end. He was angry with himself for not saving her but a part of him was feeling freer than he had in a long time. At least _this_ time he'd tried, not just run away like a coward ...

*** * * * * **

Only during sleep periods had the Antares been so quiet.

"So that's it then? They're gone?" Jenn's voice was oddly devoid of emotion.

Ted stole a glance at her. They hadn't been together long but he knew from that short experience that this period of apparent coolness preceded a breakdown that was sure to come at the loss of her best friend.

"I'm not willing to write them off yet," he said firmly.

"We haven't heard from them in over five minutes. Donner could only survive a minute out there." Nadia's voice was also oddly detached and Ted wondered if maybe she was in shock too. Perhaps she actually had cared about him, above and beyond the sex.

"So when do we declare them gone?" Jenn asked.

"Is there even a protocol for that?" Wass asked incredulously. "I mean, they're our friends, we can't just leave them ... "

"We can and we may have to," Ted said, trying to push back all the unwatned memories of Mars that were threatening to unravel him. "But I'm not willing to yet, not until we have _absolute proof _they're gone and beyond saving."

Jenn put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. Hard. "Don't give up on them."

He glanced up at her, seeing understanding in her eyes. "I won't, not as long as there's anything I can do." But he wasn't holding out much hope. Antares was not capable of going down to Venus. Even if it had been possible, they'd never make it in time. Donner and Zoe were out of air _now._ He wasn't a religious man but he looked over at Paula, hands folded in prayer, and sent up a quick one of his own. _God, if you're there, save them. Please._

Nadia, always the practical one, took a deep breath and said, "so what can we do?"

Paula, Ted and Jenn all answered in unison. "Pray."

*** * * * * **

She felt oddly calm, though the numbers on her readout were flashing red. According to it, she only had one more minute of air left. She should have been worried.

The song was loud and strong now, as was the baby's cry, and she knew she was only a few steps away. She scanned the area and a smile lit up her face as she saw it. It wasn't quite exactly like Beta, but she could definitely tell it was a relative. She bent over clumsily and picked it up, cradling it like an infant as she turned and headed back.

"Only got a few seconds of air," Donner rasped. "Zoe, I never told you ... I need you to know before I die ... I love you."

Zoe began to panic. "Donner, hang on, don't let go. I'm coming for you!"

There was no answer so she began to pick up the pace. The Venus suit wasn't made for quick action and she cursed it as she tried to run but couldn't.

He was hard to see in his white suit against Venus's light, sandy-coloured surface, but eventually she spotted him. "Donner, no!" she screamed, pushing her suit past its capabilities to get to him. It creaked and groaned under the pressure but she hardly noticed it over the sound of her own pounding heart.

She knelt beside him, barely noticing the alarm that was going off, telling her she was out of air. "Maddux," she whispered, tears forming in her eyes. She tucked Gamma under one arm and rolled Donner over with the other. He was still breathing ... barely.

Without even a second's conscious thought she knew what to do. She still had air, he didn't.

Gamma rested quietly between them, its soothing song filling her ears as she unbuckled Donner's helmet and quickly fastened hers onto his suit. The seal wasn't perfect but it would hold well enough until she could get him back to the lander. She placed Gamma on his chest, grabbed his arms and began to drag him.

Ten steps, fifteen, twenty ... they were there. Zoe opened the hatch, lifted him into the airlock, shut it and filled the small room with a full rich oxygen mixture before removing the helmet.

He was barely breathing and her heart fluttered wildly. "Don't leave me Donner," she whispered. "Don't you dare," and she bent over and began to give him CPR and mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to keep his heart pumping. After a minute or two his lungs began working on their own and she could feel him pushing air back into her mouth. Remembering the emergency medical measures Evram had drilled into them both during their preparation for the landing, she pulled out the med kit and gave him an injection of adrenaline.

Then she struggled out of her suit. It was a hell of a chore doing it alone; she'd needed two other people to get her into it and had counted on remaining in it all the way back to Antares where she'd have the help she needed to remove it. But she couldn't pilot Crossbow back when the bulky suit prevented her from entering the cockpit, and she was the only one who could get them out of here so there was little choice.

She checked Donner's vitals before crawling up into the cockpit. He was breathing and his heart was pumping strong and steady.

"Antares, this is Croswbow. I'm going to need some instant flight lessons."

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Please keep in mind that this is science fiction (heavy on the fiction) and I am aware that what I've written is probably completely impossible in reality. I'm not intending to be accurate with my science but just to write a good story. Please suspend any disbelief and enjoy the story for what it is. :)

**~ Solar Flare ~**

_Chapter Five - Epsilon_

The comm crackled to life after the longest eight minutes of silence the crew had ever lived through.

"Antares, this is Crossbow. I'm going to need some instant flight lessons."

"Zoe? Are you guys alright?" Ted shouted, feeling his heart nearly jump out of his chest.

"Alive? Yes. Good? Not so much."

"What's your status?"

"Donner's down. He's unconscious but his vitals are steady." In the background they all heard Evram growl. "I'm fine but I have no idea how to pilot this thing so it looks like things are going to be a bit sticky."

"Did you get it?" Wass asked.

"Gamma? Yes. It's in the back keeping Donner company."

"I'm so glad you're okay!" Jenn squeaked, grinning from ear to ear and practically dancing with joy.

"Ditto." They could all hear Zoe's smile. "But now I need to figure out how to get us out of here."

Ted backed away from the controls. "Paula, Nadia, this is where we need you."

"Zoe, Nadia's going to do all the systems checks with you to make sure Crossbow is fit to fly. Once that's done, I'll talk you through piloting it back." Paula was businesslike despite the urgency of the situation.

"That sounds a lot easier than I'm sure it's actually going to be," Zoe said with a wry chuckle.

"It's not going to be easy," Nadia confirmed, "given that it isn't your area of expertise."

"No, but we've made it this far. I'm not quitting now."

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * * **

"Zoe's piloting Crossbow back?" Goss was clearly astonished.

"Not a whole lot of choice here. Donner's down."

Eve's brow crinkled at Ted's words. "Is he okay?"

"So she says. We can't get a read on their vitals until they clear the atmosphere. Evram's literally chomping his nails in anticipation."

"_Zoe's _piloting Crossbow?" Goss couldn't get over it.

"There's no other way. We can't go down there and get them and there's no telling how long it'll be before Donner regains consciousness. The lander will overheat soon and we can't wait for him. Even if he does regain consciousness there's always a chance he won't be capable of flying it. We have no idea what happened down there when we lost communication with them."

"How is she going to manage? She's not a trained pilot."

"Paula and Nadia are talking her through it. The auto-pilot seems to be functional so the balance of the work may be at our end, recalculating the rendez-vous point since there's bound to be some drift that Zoe can't adjust for manually as Donner would have."

"Keep the channels open."

"Will do." Ted touched another contact. "Evram, are you ready for them?"

"Never been readier."

"Good. Jenn?"

"You know exactly where I'll be when they arrive."

"Good." Ted nodded.

"What uh ... what should I be doing?" Wass hovered, looking worried.

Ted bit his lip. He couldn't think of anything for the physicist to do but stand around ineffectually. As usual. Wait, maybe there was something ... "I want you to take charge of Gamma. You and Paula make sure it gets to pod 4."

Wass nodded. "Okay. Good. I can do that."

_Guess there's a reason he's here after all. _ Ted had wondered. Wass's obvious mathematical skills would have made him much more valuable on Earth in more of a research and development setting, and his equally obvious inability to perform the physical requirements an astronaut needed to had made him wonder why Eve had chosen him. But Beta spoke in mathematics - it's very shape and song and what it had done with the tomatoes was proof of that. Wass spoke in mathematics also; better than he was able to communicate in more conventional languages. Perhaps Wass was meant to be the go-between. The translator. Quite possibly he had the most important job of all.

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * ***

Ajay rolled his eyes when he caught sight of Williams waiting just outside the control room.

"Mr Sharma, I have a few questions ... "

"No comment," Ajay said brusquely, trying politely to push past him.

"Well that in itself tells me there's something I need to find out," the reporter prompted.

Ajay stopped and glared at the man angrily. "It doesn't mean that at all."

"Then what does it mean?"

"It means that there's nothing out of the ordinary going on. And even if there were, I wouldn't tell you."

"Why not? Don't you think the public has a right to know? We are funding this little junket."

"Of course, but I believe the public has a right to know the truth and that's the last thing you're going to tell them." Ajay laid aside his manners for a moment and pushed past the other man rudely. "And that's all I have to say to you."

Williams stood nonplussed for a moment then shook his head as if to clear it. _Time to find another source, _he thought.

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * ***

Jenn watched as Crossbow landed in the bay, looking almost as good as if Donner had done it himself. _Thank god for auto-pilot! _she thought. She longed to run over and give Zoe a huge hug and apologize for her aloof behaviour but Zoe only had eyes for Donner. She stayed by his side as Ted and Evram carried him out and placed him in the hyperbaric chamber. Gamma, Jenn, and everyone else weren't even registering on her radar.

Later, Jenn watched them from the med bay door and wondered what had happened on Venus. Something had changed between Zoe and Donner and she longed to know what it was. Zoe had given her and the rest of the crew a perfunctory hug and had only acknowledged her apology with a mere nod. Then she'd perched on the med bed beside Donner and had sat staring at him, as if by sheer force of will she could make him wake up.

"Zoe," she said softly, coming to stand beside her friend.

"Hmm?" Zoe's gaze never wavered.

"What happened down there?"

Zoe turned her head and glanced briefly at Jenn. There were dark circles under her eyes. "It's a long story," she said wearily, "and I"ll have to tell it later so I'd rather not go into it now." She looked back at Donner, putting an end to the conversation.

"Okay then."

Zoe turned back. "I'm sorry Jenn, it's just ... "

"Something happened down there, didn't it?"

Zoe nodded.

"What?"

She shrugged and shook her head. "It's just ... I'm not even sure I can process it all, let alone talk about it." She swallowed hard. "And I can't think about anything until I know Donner's alright."

That was something Jenn could understand. Someone putting their life in danger for you and possibly paying the ultimate price. The guilt factor had to be awfully high. She touched her friend's shoulder and squeezed. "He'll be okay," she said encouragingly. But inside she wondered if any of them were ever going to be okay again.

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * * **

It didn't escape Evram's notice that even during Zoe's post-mission physical she didn't take her eyes off Donner for even a second.

"Zoe," he said softly, trying to get her attention. He could see the struggle going on within her as her muscles tensed. Discipline won. She turned to face him.

"Can you tell me exactly what happened down there? I need to know so I can give Donner the treatment he needs."

She nodded.

"Was he exposed to Venus's atmosphere?"

Zoe nodded.

"For how long?"

Words suddenly poured out of her. "I knew he didn't have any air left and the pressure would kill him if I didn't ... it was only a few seconds ... I tried to get my helmet off as fast as I could ... "

Evram held up a hand. "Whoa, hold on there. Let me get this straight. You took Donner's helmet off while you were on the surface?"

Zoe bit her lip and nodded, cheeks beginning to redden. "He was dying and I still had a little bit of air so I gave him my helmet so he could breathe until I got him to the airlock and inside the lander."

"You gave him your helmet," Evram said again, eyes widening.

Her eyes filled with tears as she nodded again and suddenly he realized she was responding with shame - thinking he was mad at what she'd done. She completely misunderstood his amazement.

"Zoe," he said carefully, making sure to look her right in the eye. "You did the right thing, trying to save Donner's life. But when you gave him your helmet, what did _you_ wear?"

"Me? Wear?"

A chill ran up his spine at her innocent look. He took an involuntary step back and swallowed. "You didn't have anything on your head? You were breathing Venus's atmosphere?"

Her eyes widened and she paled. "I guess ... "

"There's no oxygen on Venus," he said slowly. "How is that possible?"

She shook her head, mouth open but no sound coming out. Her eyes flew back to Donner. "I have no idea," she whispered.

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * ***

"It's all her fault!"

Nadia's voice was shrill and nearly at screaming pitch. Ted wished he didn't have to deal with her. "Settle down Nadia."

"He almost died trying to save her!"

"What would you have had him do?" Jenn asked, taking in Ted's thankful look as she joined them in the observation lounge. "Leave her down there?"

"Yes," Nadia said firmly. "That's protocol. _She_ chose to break it; he shouldn't have to pay the price."

"He's a team player Nadia, you know that. He's committed to being there for all of us if we need him. After what happened on Mars ... "

"What if it was you?" Jenn interrupted, taking the prosaic approach. "What if you'd been the one on Venus? Would you still say he should have left you behind?"

"No, but ... "

"Ha! Double standards," Jenn said triumphantly. "The only reason you're mad is because you wanted Zoe gone. She's your rival and you're afraid Donner cares more about her than he does you."

"Jenn," Ted began, a warning note in his voice.

"Don't 'Jenn' me. Let's be honest here." She turned back to Nadia. "You wanted Zoe gone so you could have Donner all to yourself."

"That's crazy."

"Well it surely would be if all he was to you was a decent lay. But he's not, is he? You really do care ... at least a little."

"Of course I care!" Nadia exploded, face glowing bright red. "Do you think I'm inhuman?"

Jenn crossed her arms over her chest. "No. But I think you're a woman who's used to always getting what she wants. You've seen how close Zoe and Donner are, even more so now that we're all stuck here together for the next six years, and you're worried he's going to realize he wants what she has to give over what you haven't been giving him all these years."

Ted put a firm hand on each of the women's shoulders, stopping Nadia just as she was about to attack. "We all care a great deal about Donner and Zoe and that means feelings are running high. We need to cool down and channel those negative feelings into a positive way of helping them. Fighting gets us nowhere."

Jenn sniffed and pulled away. "I'll be in the lab if you need me."

Ted sighed. She wasn't ready to let it go. "Nadia, why don't you come help me with Crossbow? We've a lot of work to do assessing and fixing the damage Venus's atmosphere inflicted on it."

She nodded brusquely and walked ahead of him. Ted sighed again. She wasn't willing to let it go either. That meant round two was imminent.

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * * **

"Everything seems to be normal."

Zoe took her eyes off Donner for a moment to look at the doc. "Seems to be? Is it or isn't it?"

He faced her squarely. "What I'm seeing so far looks normal but I'll need to do some more indepth testing on both of you."

"What sort of testing?"

"I'm not even quite sure." Evram shrugged. "I never anticipated you'd be exposed to Venus's atmosphere and live to tell about it, to be honest."

"Will he?" she whispered, inclining her head towards Donner's prone body.

Evram took a deep breath. "I think so. I hope so." He let it out slowly. "Though to be honest, I'm not seeing any damage whatsoever so I don't know why he's still unconscious."

"Can't you use something to wake him?"

"I could but I'd rather give him a little time. Quite likely his body's in shock and it needs some time to normalize. I don't want to mess him up with more chemicals if I don't have to."

"But you will wake him if he doesn't wake on his own?" she asked, eyebrows crinkling.

Evram nodded. "Of course. It's about time for dinner though. Why don't we go join the others?"

"You go. I'm not hungry."

"Zoe, you need to eat, especially after today."

"I will ... later. You go ahead."

He smiled sadly, understanding she didn't want to leave him alone. "Okay. As soon as I come back you need to go," he said gently, squeezing her shoulder. "Promise?"

Zoe nodded but didn't turn to look at him even as he left the room. She drew her legs tight up against her chest and hugged them. "Come back to me Donner," she whispered. "Don't go. Come back." She whispered the same words over and over like a mantra, almost unaware she was doing so. Eventually her eyes closed and the weariness of the day's events conquered the adrenaline rush she'd been living on. She dozed.

"Zoe."

His voice, her name whispered almost imperceptibly, woke her.

"Donner," she said, a quick smile lighting up her face as she jumped off the bed and moved to his side. "You're okay."

He smiled a lopsided smile as he reached out and took her hand. "If this is Heaven, it looks an awful lot like the Antares," he quipped.

"It is the Antares Donner. But right now it feels an awful lot like Heaven."

**~ TBC ~**


	6. Chapter 6

I may not be updating once a week during the month of November. I decided to go ahead and try my hand at NaNoWriMo (unofficially) so I'll be spending a lot of my writing time working on some original fiction. Usually a chapter a week is a fairly easy goal for me but I suspect that might suffer right now. Please be patient with me, I will get back to it and continue the story to it's completion. :)

**~ Solar Flare ~**

_Chapter Six - Zeta_

"I feel fine." Donner gave a mock growl of frustration at being forced to stay in the med bay. Evram fixed him with a look that chilled him to the bone. "Okay, okay, I'll stick around." He looked over at Zoe, sitting still as a statue on the next bed.

"You'd better," Evram said. "You two were exposed to Venus's atmosphere and yet are still alive and well. It's a scientific impossibility."

"And you scientists love puzzles," Donner murmured.

Zoe smiled. "What's life for if not to have questions that need to be answered and puzzles that need to be solved?"

He was about to zing her with a swift retort - something about enjoying life and living every moment to the fullest but Ted walked into the bay at that moment and interrupted him before he could even get started. "Here's something that puzzles _me_," he said. "Nadia and I have been looking over the lander and your suits for any supplementary information we can glean before cleaning them up and getting ready for the next mission and I discovered we didn't just "lose" all communication with you. You were both on a private channel. You were in trouble; we might have been able to help if you'd stayed with us. Why go rogue?"

Zoe watched as Donner's mouth opened but no sound came out.

"Well, you know, Donner found me so attractive in my Venus suit that he just couldn't help proposing we get married and have a bunch of little Michelin tire babies." She smiled and looked from side to side impishly. "He didn't want the whole world hearing his oh-so-romantic proposal."

Donner flashed her a grateful, if curious, look.

Ted chuckled and shook his head. "You guys are really something else." He turned to Evram. "How are they doing? Do they check out?"

Evram nodded. "They're both fine. But I'd like to keep them for some more observation and testing."

"Why?"

The doc nodded at Zoe. "You might want to ask them what happened during those eight minutes."

Ted cocked and eyebrow inquiringly. Donner shrugged and gave him a, "what are you looking at me for?" look, though he said nothing.

"Is it okay if I take them up to the observation lounge for a while so we can talk?"

"Send them back to me when you're done."

* * * * * * * * *

Jenn stood in pod 4 - now no longer off limits to the crew - feeling sadder than she had in a long time. _Bring me back one I can see, okay?_ she'd asked Zoe, but though her friend had very nearly given her life to retrieve the object, this one too was one Jenn could neither see nor hear. _ Am I ever going to see any of them? _she wondered. Was she going to have to spend the remainder of the mission standing around pretending to admire them with the rest of the crew? Or should she tell them the truth? That would make her even more of an outcast than she already was. She recalled Rollie's words to her. Not so very long ago but it seemed like another lifetime. _You can always talk to me Jenn. About anything._ She felt oddly disconnected from the reality of life on Earth with her husband. Like it wasn't really her life at all.

_No Rollie, _she thought. _ I can't talk to you about anything. This is something you just wouldn't understand. _ She wished there was someone who could understand. Her mind began to wander. _Wait a minute. Wass didn't have any hallucinations either. What if there's a reason for that? What if we're similar somehow? Maybe he'll understand what I'm going through._

She resolved to talk with him about it right then and there.

Paula lay quietly in her bunk, whispering the Hail Mary as she twirled the beads through her fingers. She wished her faith was an easier thing to hold onto than it was proving to be. Back on Earth she'd been a staunch believer. She'd had a miracle to prove the existence of God and His divine power after all. Who could question that? But up here things weren't nearly so black and white. Evram had forced her to confront her miracle and it hadn't stood up. _ A miracle is just reality with pieces missing, _Stephen had said. Turns out he'd been wiser than she ever could have imagined.

Perhaps her thumb being injured had been a miracle as well. At first she'd thought the healing had been a miracle, but then had been convinced it was the work of the devil when she hadn't been able to pass the sims. The part that had been missing was the eight minutes of silence on Venus. She knew now that Donner had been the better choice to go because she would never have had the courage to do what he'd done to save Zoe. She'd needed him out there, not Paula, and Paula herself had been required back on Antares to get them back home safely.

Perhaps miracle were incomplete stories but if trusted and followed, the rest of the story would fall into place given time, and understanding would follow. Wasn't she an explorer as well as a believer? Knowledge and understanding was what she sought out here. Perhaps there was a way to reconcile science with faith and these events - this path in her life - was the way to find it.

She sat up and took a deep breath, uttering a quick word of prayer before going to find Stephen to thank him for showing her the way.

* * * * * * * * *

Eve sat in her office feeling more than a little fragile. The afternoon's events had taken their toll on her and she'd been unprepared for the reaction she'd had when her son had called to say he missed her and wished she could come home. Usually she was able to brush off the niggling feelings of guilt by promising him things but today she'd felt a strong pull to just leave the building, go home, and hold him in her arms. It was all she could do to stop herself from walking to the door.

A soft knock from said door spurred her into blinking away the tears. Clare's head poked into the room. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Of course." Eve waited until the door was closed. "Is anything wrong? Are Zoe and Donner okay?"

"They're going to be just fine. But the genetic mutation I noticed before the mission is ongoing. Their DNA is changing at an alarmingly rapid rate."

"Changing into what?"

Clare shrugged. She didn't have the words or the patience to get into a long discussion that Eve likely wouldn't understand anyway. "Not changing into anything different. Just changing. It's different than what it was when they went up there. If it weren't actually happening right in front of my eyes I'd say it's a scientific impossibility."

"But since it is?"

"Do you believe in miracles?"

Eve pursed her lips but didn't answer. "I'll need you to keep this to yourself for now."

"Evram knows." At Eve's slightly angry look, she shrugged. "He figured it out himself. He's an excellent scientist. You didn't think he'd just not see it, did you?"

Eve didn't answer. That's exactly what she had hoped for. She should have known better. "It goes no farther than the three of us. No one on that ship can know."

"What if it affects their health?"

"I trust you'll tell me if anything like that comes up. Then we'll decide what and how much to tell them."

Clare shifted uncomfortably. Keeping secrets was not easy for her. At least Evram knew; she'd have someone to talk with which would ease the burden somewhat. "Yes ma'am."

"Clare," Eve called out as the other woman approached the door. She hadn't missed the undercurrent of apprehension and anger under the professionalism. "You know I'm behind our people one hundred percent. I'm only doing what I have to to protect them. I have their best interests at heart."

Clare turned back for a moment, hand on the doorknob. "We all know what the road paved with good intentions leads to. Make sure you know where we're going with this before it's too late to stop it."

"So give." Ted was never one to waste words. "What happened down there?"

Donner gave Zoe a quick sidelong glance. She didn't look ready to talk so he decided to go ahead.

"Well, when Zoe said she was going ahead to pick up Gamma I pushed the O2 in my suit up to full and went out there to get her."

"That part we heard. What happened after that?"

"Zoe was hearing a baby crying - she wouldn't come back because she was sure she was close to it and wasn't willing to leave Venus without it."

"A baby? On Venus? How the hell is that possible?"

"It was calling to me," Zoe said dreamily, staring out the large observation window. "The baby was crying; it needed me to save it and bring it home."

"Baby?" Ted questioned again.

Donner shrugged helplessly. "I heard a baby's cry too. I don't know what it was or why - maybe the sound of Venus's atmosphere against my helmet, but it sure sounded like ... "

Zoe shook her head vehemently. "No, it was the baby. My baby."

"_Your _baby? You've never had a baby."

She looked back down at them, intense sorrow in her usually clear blue eyes. "I should have. I was pregnant once. I aborted it."

Both men were silent.

"Isn't that illegal?" Ted asked eventually.

"What, you've never done anything that's against the law?" Her eyes narrowed. "Don't you go getting holier than thou on me Ted. You're no saint."

"True enough. I apologize."

"So was a baby's cry what you were hearing on the ship?" Donner asked curiously. "Was that your hallucination?"

She nodded slowly, briefly meeting his eyes then quickly looking away.

"It's always something we feel guilty about," Donner said quietly, almost with the same dreamlike voice Zoe had been using. "Something we wish we could go back and change."

Ted stared off into space as well and the three of them were silent.

Donner's jaw set and his brows knit together suddenly as though pondering something difficult. "What I don't get is, if a baby crying was your hallucination, why was I hearing it too? What does it have to do with me?"

"The baby was yours." Zoe's voice was merely a whisper.

Donner's head snapped around. "Huh?"

"The baby was yours." She lifted her head up and met his eyes. "You were the father."

"I'm not saying there isn't a god, just that I'm not sure I believe in one. Miracles happen all the time - even the things I understand and can explain, like fractals, used to be considered miracles. The mathematics we use to explain the universe is absolutely amazing and it all falls into place so perfectly ... it's not that hard to imagine someone or something created it all."

Jenn shrank back, deciding not to go into the room once she realized Wass wasn't alone. He and Paula were having an animated discussion about God and faith and now wasn't the time to walk in and disturb them.

She went back to her room and flopped down heavily on the bed, sighing. It seemed like everyone was occupied but her. For the first time since leaving Earth, she felt lonely. Deciding to give Rollie a call, she got up and moved to the comm station. But Rollie was off shift and unavailable. No one knew where to reach him.

She felt lonelier than ever.

_Donner sat by her bedside, looking at her pale face and wondering if the paleness of her skin was natural or if she needed medical care. She was naturally pale to begin with but right now she looked almost bloodless._

_Zoe had had a hysterectomy - a cyst that had been difficult to remove - and now was unable to ever have children. He didn't suppose she wanted any now; she was focused on getting up into space and children would only hinder that. He knew he himself never wanted to have a family, but perhaps she might one day in the future though. He felt a pang of sadness for the future she would never have._

It had come on suddenly. She'd been fine all day and then suddenly she'd said she had stomach cramps and had begun to bleed. That wasn't how cysts worked. He was sure of it. A sudden onset of cramps and bleeding sounded a lot more like a miscarriage .... or an abortion. His eyes widened.

The colour drained from his face as he remembered the first night they'd spent together. _I've had a vasectomy_, he'd told her. _ That's what your chart says but the scan doesn't agree, _Clare had told him just before coming up to the Antares. He'd had sex with Zoe, unprotected, and she'd paid the price.

But then she'd gone ahead and aborted their child - _his _child - without ever even telling him it had existed. Five years. Five years they'd known each other and she'd never told him. Irrational anger pushed whatever concern he'd had aside.

"You aborted my child without even telling me?"

"What was I supposed to say? It wasn't like it was an easy thing to bring up in conversation."

"Well you could have said something. It was my child too, don't you think I had a right to know?"

Zoe lifted her head high, though her cheeks flamed. "Would you have wanted to keep it?"

"That's not the point."

She stood. "Actually it is. Neither of us wanted a child then. It would only have ruined our lives." She turned to Ted. "I'm tired and I'd like to rest for a while now. Can we continue this later?"

Ted nodded wordlessly and watched her as she headed back to the medbay. Then he turned to Donner. "Well, that was not what I expected to hear."

"Shit."

**~ TBC ~**


	7. Chapter 7

**~ Solar Flare ~**

_Chapter Seven - Eta_

Evram's back was turned but he was more than well aware that Zoe was crying. Well she was certainly entitled after the day she'd had. He didn't want to intrude, but if she wanted to talk to someone ...

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, looking up to make sure the monitor was off and they were alone.

"Mmm," she responded, sniffling.

"You wanna talk about it? I can be a pretty good listener."

"Would that be the doctor side of you or the psychiatrist side?" she asked, rolling over and sitting up, a tiny smile beginning to pull her lips up.

"The friend." He smiled. "I know it's hard to believe, but I enjoy setting aside the mantle of medical responsibility and donning a friend's cap every now and then. It keeps me human."

Zoe wiped her eyes as she smiled back. "I don't find it hard to believe at all. Everyone enjoys the chance to just 'be' and not be something. Especially us, living in a fishbowl like we are and having our every move scrutinized by the entire world."

He nodded. "So, cameras aside and professionalism put away, is there anything you want to talk about with a friend?"

Zoe looked off into space, lips pursed, as if thinking very carefully about what she wanted to say. "Do you think it's possible to never forgive someone?"

"I think that depends on how much you care for the person who hurt you."

"Let's say you kept a really big, bad secret from someone. Really big. Something that would have changed their life if they'd known about it."

Evram took a couple of deep breaths before answering. "I think all things can be forgiven, provided there's honesty and trust between the people involved."

"That's the problem, there used to be trust ... until the honesty."

"Now there isn't?"

Zoe shrugged. "I don't know. The secret just came out and I'm afraid trust and friendship will be lost over it."

"I think maybe you're anticipating something that might or might not happen. Borrowing trouble, as it were."

"It's big Evram," she argued. "Really big. Like, life-changing big."

They stared at one another for several long minutes. "It's Donner, isn't it?" he asked eventually.

She nodded, misery showing through the mask of forced friendliness she'd been putting on.

Evram sat down on the bed opposite her so they were eye to eye. "I think he cares a great deal for you, whether or not he wants to admit it, and that whatever the secret is, it's best outed. It may cause hurt feelings now but you two are stuck here together for the next six years and it's better that you get to a place of openness where you're not always walking on eggshells around each other."

"But what if he never forgives me for what I've done?" she asked tearfully. "What if telling him the truth means everything is over for us and we can't even be friends anymore?"

Suddenly it dawned on him just what the secret was. He felt for her; it was a tough place she must have been in. He answered slowly. "I think the truth, however difficult it might be to accept at first, can be woven into the mosaic of one's life. Eventually the pain subsides and it just becomes a part of 'what was'. It may take time but at least you can move forward from there. When there are secrets and distrust, relationships stagnate and die."

She pondered his words for a moment. "You really think our relationship can move forward and become something more than it is now?"

"I think that if Donner doesn't open his eyes and realize you're worth a hundred Nadias, then he's even more of an idiot than many of us have always thought he is."

Zoe laughed out loud, though her eyes filled with tears again. "Thank you," she said, sliding off the bed and wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug.

"It's the truth. You're one very special lady Zoe." He smiled mischeviously as he returned the hug. "If I weren't already in love with Clare ... "

"Oh stop already," she laughed. "I don't need my ego to get that big."

Evram patted her back. "Back in bed with you. You've had an exhausting day and you need your rest."

"But Ted wants to finish ... "

"I'll handle Ted," he said firmly. "No more talk until you've rested and feel ready. Doctor's orders."

*** * * * * **

Goss walked up and stood beside Eve. "So how are they doing?"

"Clare and Evram have both given them a clean bill of health."

"Good. I'm going to need to talk to both of them. Alone. Especially Donner."

She looked at him through narrowed eyes. "I know you still think it's a bad idea to have sent him up there ... "

"Damn straight."

" ... but without him Zoe wouldn't have made it."

"We don't know that. Without Donner there to back her up, maybe she wouldn't have gone ahead and done something so stupid."

"And then we wouldn't have Gamma, and another billion dollars and a great chance would have been wasted. You can't have it both ways Mike."

"I don't like it. Donner is a cowboy, he does things his own way and doesn't follow protocol."

"Which is possibly why Beta wanted him up there in the first place. Playing by the rules hasn't gotten us anywhere; perhaps it's time we try improvising."

"With taxpayers money and our astronauts' lives?"

"They all went up there knowing the risks and being willing to accept them. As far as the taxpayers go, this is bigger than them. Way bigger. It's bigger than all of us and even though we can't reveal our real purpose in all of this yet, it will benefit mankind and be worth every penny spent."

"I hope you're right," Goss said shortly, then he walked over to another console.

"So do I," Eve said under her breath. "So do I."

*** * * * * **

_He'd never imagined her leaving would have such a profound impact on him. 'It won't be the same around here without you' he'd told her but at the time he'd had no idea the depth that statement had contained._

_He was lost without her._

_He continued on training the others, though always instinctively watching for her blonde ponytail, doing the work assigned to him and prepping them all for the mission. But outside of that he spent his hours either in the gym, furiously working out to make his body sore enough to forget his emotional pain, or screwing Nadia because it was easy to be with her and she demanded nothing of him so he could imagine it was Zoe he was with. The hole he felt inside needed to be filled with something but though he tried, nothing fit quite right._

_She was pretty and sweet, there was no doubt that had been a factor in his attraction to her, but there'd been something more that he was missing now; a joie de vivre and innocence that had pulled his soul out of the black abyss it had fallen into after Mars. She'd been what had inspired him to live, rather than just exist, and now she was gone and his soul was hurting again and he wasn't sure what the purpose in living was._

*** * * * ***

Her eyes were closed when he entered the medbay.

"Shh," Evram said, before he could even open his mouth. "Don't wake her. She needs her rest."

Donner climbed onto the bed opposite Zoe. Was it his imagination or had there been a trace of hostility in the other man's voice? No, it wasn't quite hostility ... he turned it over in his mind. No, it was more like protectiveness towards Zoe, as if he was acting as a barrier between them. Why would he feel he needed to, unless he knew ...

Donner closed his eyes and sighed. Life, already damned complicated, seemed to be becoming more so. He eyed the monitor above his bed, now dark, warily. The eyes of the world were on them, a party to their every last heartbeat, every single nuance of emotion. He sensed that he and Zoe were about to enter a difficult time in their relationship and they didn't even have the luxury of doing it with some measure of privacy.

"Try to get some rest. You've had a long day too."

He closed his eyes. _ I'll bet they're only going to get longer._

*** * * * * **

"It's beautiful," Paula said, awestruck.

"It's way beyond beautiful," Wass agreed, voice dreamy. "Absolutely beyond description."

She stole a glance at him. "The rest of us just see it as a fluid object. Do you see it as something mathematical?"

"I see it as a shape that can be defined by numbers but not truly understood. But what's even more awesome is the sound. The music ... it's so perfectly balanced - complex, yet simple, and the song of the two beings together is creating the most amazing harmony I've ever heard."

"You're a musician too?"

He laughed. "Not exactly. I studied some music when I was a kid but I had a prof in grad school that was all about the connection between music and math. All music can be represented by mathematical equations and all mathematical equations can be felt and heard as music. He made us dive right in and work it out for ourselves. It's super cool actually."

"It sounds like it." Paula was envious. "Would you teach me about it?"

Wass thought for a minute. "Well ... a lot of the math will be well beyond you but I'm sure you can get something out of it."

Paula smiled at him and his heart fluttered just a little. _She really is very pretty, especially when she smiles, and she's not nearly so prudish as I thought she was._ He smiled back. _ I'm really glad she's here ..._

*** * * * ***

"You seriously can't mean to tell me that you removed your helmet and exposed yourself to Venus's atmosphere. What were you thinking?" Zoe felt her face become red-hot. "Don't tell me. You weren't thinking. How could you do something so foolish and dangerous?"

She was glad Ted was grilling her alone this time. Bad enough she had to try to explain it to him. "It wasn't foolish," she said softly. "I knew Gamma would protect me."

"How could you possibly know that?"

"Haven't you ever been certain of something without knowing why you knew it?" He didn't answer so she continued. "We've all been hearing Beta in our hallucinations."

"A hallucination is different than someone saying, 'go ahead, remove your helmet, it'll be fine'."

"Well I was fine, wasn't I?" she said, drawing herself up proudly. "So was Donner. I can't explain why I felt it was perfectly safe; I just knew Gamma would protect us from the poisonous air on Venus's surface."

"I'm not trying to pick on you Zoe, since what you did was obviously the right thing. I guess I'm just trying to find something more than a gut feeling behind it all. As commander of this mission, I can't in good conscience encourage people to follow their gut feelings over scientific fact. I just can't."

"I understand that and I wish I had something more I could tell you, but I don't." Zoe shrugged. "I'm sorry I broke protocol but Donner broke it first and if I hadn't, he would have died out there. I wasn't about to let that happen. Not if there was any way I could stop it."

Ted sighed. "Tell me everything that happened after you took off your helmet. I need to know the whole story."

**~ TBC ~**

**A/N: **Thanks to all of you who've put this on your alert and favourite list. I'm thrilled that you're enjoying my ramblings! Defying Gravity was such a short-lived, not well-publicized show that very few people really got into it and the fandom is miniscule. I began writing this story, figuring no one would read it, and I'm ecstatic that there are those of you who enjoyed the show enough to want to keep it alive here with me. I try to respond to all of your comments, but sometimes life gets me a little bogged down and I miss some. Please forgive me and know that ALL of your responses are welcome and much appreciated! :)


	8. Chapter 8

**~ Solar Flare ~**

_Chapter Eight - Theta_

Nadia was feeling rattled. It was an unusual feeling for her and she knew of only one way to deal with it. Donner answered at her knock and she pushed past him and pulled the door shut behind her. "You, me, the bed. Now."

The expression on his face might have been comical if she'd been in a lighter frame of mind, but a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror on his wall - clad in facial hair and men's clothing - sobered her instantly and reminded her of just why she was here.

"Nadia," he began but her rapid fingers at the waistband of his pants silenced him. She coaxed him out of them and his boxers too, and he noted with some dismay that he was already at half-mast. "Nadia," he tried again, feeling horribly guilty for some reason, as though he were betraying Zoe, though he was angry with her and really, there never had been anything significant between them, "we really shouldn't ... "

"I need this tonight Donner. I need you."

All pretense at resistance dropped. He needed it too. So what if there was a niggling feeling somewhere inside that Zoe wasn't going to like it? It wasn't like they were together, or ever had been, and he didn't owe her anything. Especially not after learning her big secret. If anything, she owed _him_ after all these years of dishonesty.

He gave himself up to pure feeling and squashed down the emotions Zoe had begun to rile up with her confession. Living in the moment - no connections, no strings - was the way to go. But a little voice he couldn't quite ignore spoke a truth he'd been trying to avoid for a long, long time. _You shouldn't be sleeping with one woman when you're in love with someone else._

*** * * * * **

Rollie drove himself home against his better judgment. He could feel the alcohol sloshing around in his brain and knew he'd best get home and sleep it off before his shift in the morning. His cellphone buzzed and he checked the number. Jenn. Again. He knew he should answer it but he just couldn't. He'd ignored her first calls, not knowing what to say to her to pull her out of the funk she was in, and now he was too drunk to talk coherently and knew anything he'd say would only make things worse.

He closed his eyes, cursing himself for his stupidity. They were only closed a fraction of a second but it was long enough for him to miss the cyclist on the road ahead of him.

"Shit!" he yelled as his car smacked into something and skidded to a stop. He got out in a hurry and swore again when he saw the young woman bleeding on the ground, limbs tangled amidst the wreck of her bike.

"Oh god, oh god," he repeated over and over, quickly kneeling and searching for her heartbeat. He found it but it was weak. Sobriety hit like a brick and all of the training he'd undergone came back to him. He called 911 for help and began to administer CPR.

*** * * * * **

Zoe left the observation lounge, feeling weary. The nap had given her some energy so she'd gone to finish up her debriefing with Ted but that had long since fizzled out and she was all-too ready to shower and hit the sack. _Ten more minutes and I'll be in my bed asleep_, she thought as she made a quick pit stop at her quarters to pick up her shower gear.

The door to the quarters opposite her slid open as she was just leaving. Nadia stood there, clad in nothing but a bra and underwear. As if that wasn't a big enough clue, Donner stepped into sight, flashing 'freshly fucked' like a neon sign. His face grew a shade redder when he saw her.

Nadia smiled sweetly at Zoe then grabbed Donner and kissed him full on the lips. "Thanks lover, I needed that." And she bounced off into her own room, slamming the door shut behind her.

Zoe held up a hand, feeling her face begin to grow warm. "I don't need to know. Don't want to know. But I've got dibs on the shower."

"Zoe ... I can explain."

She turned back to look at him. "There's no need to explain. I think I understand how screwing works. I'm a big girl you know." If Nadia hadn't already retreated back into her quarters Zoe felt certain a caustic remark would have been leveled at her. Perhaps it was being so anyway, behind that closed door.

"I just ... "

"There's no need. You're sleeping with Nadia. Good for you. It's not like it isn't old news. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm showering and going to bed. Goodnight."

She gave him a smile which she hoped said, 'I don't care what you do or with whom you do it', and stepped into the washroom. She stripped and stepped into the hot water spray, leaning her forehead against the plasti-glass door. Her heart pounded painfully, despite her attempted nonchalance. _Well I guess that seals it, _she thought sadly. _ A few hours after finding out the biggest secret of our lives and instead of talking to me about it he's screwing her. Business as usual._

She forced herself to swallow the pain and get moving. Half of her five minute allotment of hot water was already gone and a cold shower was the last thing she needed right now.

*** * * * * **

Paula frowned at the numbers on the page. "I've never seen this equation before."

"I should think not." Wass chuckled.

Paula's chin hardened. "It's not like I've never taken math you know. I had to learn a lot in order to become a pilot."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I didn't meant to put you down, it's just that this is_ pure_ math. Esoteric math. Formulas and conjectures that exist just because someone thought to ask, 'what if... '. It's high level grad school math, the kind only about a thousand people worldwide study and try to understand. It's not that I don't think you're smart but you would have studied physics - applied math - rather than theoretical math. You studied what you needed to know to fly. What I studied doesn't have a purpose ... yet."

He looked at her and was pleased to note her expression had gone from slightly hurt indignation to wondering amazement. Much better. His cheeks coloured slightly. Maybe he was getting the hang of talking to women without offending them.

"So how does this sound as music?" she asked.

Wass looked around hopefully then his shoulders sagged. "Oh, I guess there aren't any instruments here. I was going to play it on the keyboard for you. If you can wait, I can program it into the computer and have it play it back."

"Sing it," Paula suggested simply.

"Sing it?"

"Yes, sing it. You know, with your voice. Like this." She trilled out a quick phrase on La.

"I know what singing is."

"Then do it."

"I can't sing."

"Can't or won't?" she asked with an impish smile.

He took a deep breath and looked at her steadily. "I've never tried."

"Never? You've never sung along with the radio in your car or hummed a melody while you were in the shower?"

"Well yeah, of course I have."

"So sing it then."

"I can't." She put her hands on her hips and fixed him with a determined glare. His resolve began to crumble. "Are you afraid I'm going to laugh at you? Because I promise I won't. God as my witness."

"No matter how bad it sounds?"

"No matter how bad it sounds."

His cheeks grew bright pink and he shuffled uncomfortably. He glanced at Paula then down at the paper. Then back at her, then down at the paper again. He took a deep breath. _ Here goes nothing ..._

He followed Paula's lead and used the syllable La. The notes started off thin and quiet but grew stronger towards the end of the phrase. He took another breath, closed his eyes, and repeated it.

There was absolute silence when he finished. _Well at least she isn't laughing_, he thought. Opening his eyes, his heart leapt into his throat. The most exquisite expression of joy filled her face and she looked like an angel. It took her a few minutes to find words.

"Steven! That was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard! You have a gorgeous voice! And the melody ... " She closed her eyes as if in rapture. "It was breathtaking."

Wass's cheeks burned as he smiled at her. The flush crept down the back of his neck and suffused his entire body. He didn't think he'd ever felt so good in his whole life. Ever.

"You see what I mean?" he asked, voice slightly hoarse and huskier than usual.

She nodded vehemently. "Show me more."

*** * * * ***

_She stood in the train station. Alone. Rooted to the spot by fear._

_The car accident had taken her parent's lives, that much the kind man back home had told her. But she hadn't understood until this moment how alone she was going to be without them. _

_"You're going to live with your great aunt Harriet, Jennifer," the man had told her. "That's what your parents wanted for you if anything happened to them."_

_She'd nodded at him, not really understanding just how much of a change it was going to mean for her. She'd been hurried through packing and leaving school and then dumped on a train headed for Oregon. She hadn't even understood at the tender age of six that that meant she was leaving Canada._

_The conductor had told her when to get off the train, expecting her guardian to meet her at the platform. The train sailed away quietly, leaving Jenn with a host of other people who'd descended with her, but no great aunt Harriet to take her hand and lead her home._

_She'd followed the others down the stairs and into the station proper but it wasn't until she was standing alone, watching the people hurrying around her without giving her a second glance, that the fear set in. _

_She was alone. All alone. She had no one._

She woke in a cold sweat, as she always did when she had 'The Dream'. The dream had once been reality - it was the same in every detail as the day she'd lived it. She'd hoped as a child and then young teenager that one day she'd outgrow the nightmares and be secure enough in herself that being alone didn't bother her but it never seemed to come to pass. Being alone still terrified her as much as it had that fateful April day.

Scrubbing her hand across her face, she untangled herself from the blanket and got out of bed. 22:30 - she'd only been asleep half an hour and she felt groggy and thick-headed. _I think I need a shower before I try to go back to sleep,_ she thought, grabbing her gear and heading into the hallway.

The bathroom doorknob was pulled right out from under her hand, much to her surprise. "Wha ... ?" she began. Then she noticed who it was. "Zoe, how are you?"

Zoe nodded and gave her a strained smile. "Fine. How are you?"

"Okay."

The two women stood looking at one another. Both had wet eyes, both had puffy eyelids from crying.

"Actually I'm not okay," Jenn said quietly, chin beginning to quiver.

"Me neither," Zoe whispered.

"Come on." Jenn grabbed Zoe's hand and pulled her back into her quarters. There, the women embraced and both began to cry. There was a flood of tears on both sides but eventually both women began to sniffle instead of sob and they broke apart, laughing a little self consciously as they grabbed tissues and blew their noses.

"Well that felt good," Jenn said, smiling for the first time in days.

Zoe smiled back. "Yeah, it did." She blinked long, leaving her eyes closed for a few seconds while she drew in a deep breath. "So, I told him."

Jenn didn't need to ask who or what. "You did?" she said, eyes widening. "I'm guessing it didn't go over well."

Zoe made a face. "Not exactly. I knew there was a reason I never told him before."

"Oh Zoe, I'm so sorry. Donner can be such an ass sometimes."

"Yeah. Makes me wonder what I ever saw in him." She chuckled self-deprecatingly.

"They say love is blind," Jenn teased. Zoe punched her arm. "Ow! But it's true. Love _is _blind."

"And stupid. Let's not forget the stupid."

"You're telling me."

"So what's up with you Jenn? Still not talking to Rollie?"

Jenn let out a long, drawn out sigh. " I would if I could. I can't get a hold of him. No one knows where he is and he isn't answering his cell."

"Oh. That's not good."

"No. And I'm starting to worry. I'm the emotional wreck in our relationship; he's always the steady one who's there no matter what. Why isn't he there Zoe? What's the matter with him?"

Zoe took a step forward and hugged her friend again. "I don't know Jenn. But it must be something important. You know he wouldn't just ignore you. You know him better than that. I know him better. He's a good man and if he's not there for you it's because he can't be."

Jenn pulled back and looked into her friend's troubled blue eyes. "But why can't he be? I wish I knew what was wrong."

Zoe tucked a loose strand of hair behind Jenn's ear. "So do I. But until you find out, you can always talk to me."

Jenn grabbed her and pulled her into a fierce embrace. "Man, am I ever glad you made it back from Venus. I don't know what I would have done without you."

**~ TBC ~**


	9. Chapter 9

**~ Solar Flare - **

_Chapter Nine - Iota_

Clare looked up from her console with the sudden feeling someone was watching her. "Ajay! What are you still doing here?"

"What are _you_ still doing here?" he countered with a smile.

"This is my job. It's what I do," she replied, returning the smile.

"As do I. How are Donner and Zoe doing?"

"They're fine Ajay. Honestly. You'd know it and so would everyone else if they weren't."

"I know ... I just worry."

She stared at him thoughtfully. "You know, if you care that much about her, why haven't you ever told her?"

"What? Who?"

Clare arched her eyebrows and gave him 'the look'. "You know exactly what I'm talking about."

Ajay turned a few shades darker. "Who says I haven't?" he said, trying to put on belligerence but failing miserably.

Clar'es eyes held his, unrelenting. Ajay sagged visibly. "She's never had eyes for anyone but him. I never had a chance," he said sadly.

She swiveled her chair around to face him. "Am I really hearing what I think I'm hearing? You're the man who can turn the most crushing disappointment in the world into something positive. How can you just give up without even trying?"

"It's fate. Destiny. Zoe and Donner were meant to be together. I ... have another path."

"That, my friend, is where you and I differ. I don't believe destiny is predetermined, that life is already decided before we live it. What would be the point in living then? No, your destiny is what you make it. _You_ choose your path, it's not chosen for you. If you want something to happen you go out and make it happen. You can only accept defeat when you know you've tried your hardest."

"Hmm. I can see where that might be a comfort to you."

"No, no! It's not comfortable at all. It's damned difficult! You make challenges for yourself and you work to conquer them. You don't just sit back and watch life pass you by, pinning your failures and missed opportunities down to 'it was meant to be that way'."

"My people have always believed in destiny. That life is set and we all have a path we must follow."

"Is that how you got here Ajay? Is that how any of us got here? Just sitting back and saying, "my path is in the space program. I'll just wait around until it happens"? No! We all worked our asses off to get here. If we hadn't, it wouldn't have happened. Don't you see? If you don't try to make things happen they never do. Ev and I wouldn't be together if I had just taken his initial no for an answer. I wanted it, I knew it was possible, so I kept working at it until it happened."

"But you knew that Evram cared for you too and that he was just afraid. I have no idea Zoe cares or even ever thinks about me."

"Then why don't you ask her?" Clare smiled. "You'll never know if you don't try."

Ajay swallowed hard. "What if she says no?"

"Then you'll be no worse off than you are now."

He pursed his lips. "I'll think about it."

"That's all I'm asking. That you think about it before throwing in the towel." They smiled at one another. "Why don't you go home and get some sleep? Your shift is long done and it's late."

"Only if you do the same."

*** * * * ***

Rollie hated hospitals. They reminded him of his childhood when he and his sister were dragged weekly to visit their ailing grandmother. For a frail old lady who'd supposedly been at death's doorstep, she'd held on a long, long time. He was too young when the visits began to remember when they actually started, but he remembered the day they ended all-too well. He'd danced with joy upon hearing of her death and had been severely punished for it.

Hospitals always smelled the same, no matter where they were. Musty, cloistering, with a vague overtone of bactine. It turned his stomach. And he suddenly remembered with a sick chill the way his grandmother would grab his wrist with her cold, claw-like fingers and make him sit on the bed with her. He shuddered involuntarily.

Two uniformed police officers walked up to him, interrupting his reverie and bringing him back into the present.

"The nurses tell us you came in with the accident victim," one of them said.

"Yes I did."

"How exactly are you related to her?"

"I'm not." He swallowed nervously. "I was driving the car that hit her."

Their faces hardened. "Come with us please." The man who hadn't yet spoken laid a hand on the butt of his gun, lending weight to the words.

"Of course. I won't make any trouble."

They led him out to their waiting cruiser where they did a quick breathalyser test and determined that jail was where he was headed. Twenty minutes later he was locked up in a cell with none of his belongings and a borrowed phone, permitted to make one call.

He desperately wanted to call Jenn - comfort and to hear her beloved voice was what he craved most right now, but he knew he was in big trouble and if his one call wasn't to Goss then it was only going to multiply.

He dialed Goss's private number, tears forming in his eyes. _What have I gotten myself into? _ And then the bigger picture hit him. _ If that young woman dies, I'll never forgive myself._

*** * * * * **

Jenn's alarm going off at six-thirty woke Zoe. Her back and neck were horribly kinked from having slept in Jenn's work chair with her chest slouched across the desk but she didn't regret it. The two women had talked late into the night, alternately laughing and crying and Zoe was more than happy to have her friend back. It had been like they were back in training again, just the two of them, talking about anything and everything that mattered.

"Time to get up," she said, tapping Jenn's foot.

"Uh huh," came the mumbled reply.

"Briefing in thirty minutes and we need to shower. Come on."

"You go first." Jenn pulled the pillow over her head and groaned. "I'm too old for this."

Zoe laughed. "You and me both. I'll see you at the briefing."

"Mmm."

She entered the hallway to find Donner had just come out of his room. "Mornin'," he said, then he did a double take. "Hey, isn't that Jenn's room?"

Zoe nodded.

"Did you ... " His eyes looked her up and down, noting her rumpled pajamas and wild hair. " ... spend the night?"

"With Jenn? Yeah."

His jaw dropped and he went paler than she'd ever seen him. Did he really think ... she would have laughed out loud at the thought but a mischevious little voice inside told her to run with it and have a little fun with him. "What? Is there something wrong with us spending the night together?"

"No, of course not, it's just ... " He spluttered and she could barely stop herself from laughing. It was a rare moment that she could 'get' Maddux Donner. "I never thought ... I mean I never would have guessed ... "

She shrugged cheerfully. "Well, what are you gonna do? There aren't any available men here and I do have needs you know. What else are best friends for?" She stopped to let that digest. "Are you going to take a shower or what? Jenn and I are in line too and there's only twenty five minutes 'till briefing."

"Yeah ... yeah, I'm going." He walked towards the washroom, looking back at her curiously a couple of times.

Zoe giggled for five solid minutes while he showered.

*** * * * * **

Jenn had found it endlessly amusing that Donner had thought they were lovers so she encouraged Zoe to keep going with it and be as ambiguous as possible to keep him wondering. Various other members of the crew seemed to be wondering too but Zoe decided to keep them guessing; all the better to keep the charade alive for Donner.

Weeks passed and he never came to her to talk, in fact he ignored her for the most part, outside of the necessity of working together, so she decided to just forget about it. Forget about the abortion, forget about the secret getting out, forget about there even being a slim possibility of them growing closer, as this was obviously one of those obstacles that just wasn't able to be bridged in order to move their relationship forward. Better just to start fresh from this point and move on without him. Donner would be just like Nadia; a colleague to be tolerated but never to get close to._ Post eagle?_ she thought with a rueful chuckle. _This time the eagle has landed but ungracefully and having ended up with two broken wings and a concussion._ She thought of the tattoo on her shoulder. _Maybe I should have just continued on from there and not come back._

_* *_

_The bell had just rung and she was gathering her things and packing them to take back to her office when her cellphone rang. "Zoe Barnes," she answered crisply, not bothering in her haste to look at the call display._

_"Hi Zoe. This is Eve Weller-Shaw from the ISO."_

_"Oh ..." Zoe faltered. "Hi." A lump came into her throat and her heart began to do a tango._

_"How are you doing?"_

_"Fine. Fine. I'm good." Zoe dropped her bag and brushed the loose strands of hair out of her face. "I've taken a junior professorship at the university and I'm teaching geology and introductory archeology classes. It's really quite interesting."_

_"It sounds like it. I'm glad you've been doing well. We were always very proud of you and wished we could have offered you a place here."_

_"Yeah, well ... sometimes things don't work out."_

_"We've had one candidate drop out of the contention for the Antares mission due to severe injury so there's an opening we need to fill. We'd like to offer it to you, to have you come back and join the team."_

_Zoe felt like someone had punched all of the air out of her lungs. There was a sudden pain in her chest and she struggled to catch her breath. "This isn't a joke, is it?" she asked, barely able to find her voice._

_"No, it's no joke. You were on the cusp and I always knew that if something should happen to one of the other candidates, I wanted you back."_

_"I don't ... I don't know," she said honestly. "I've just gotten my life together here. A job, a place to live ... and I'm seeing someone." She paused and swallowed hard. "How soon do you need to know?"_

_"Soon."_

_"Can I have a little bit of time to think about it?"_

_"I'd love to give you all the time you need but there are two others on the list just below you and Goss is pushing hard. Any one of you will be several months behind everyone else already so we need the position filled right away. I can give you about eight hours ... "_

_Zoe gulped. Eight hours to determine which path she should take. _

_"Okay, I'll call you back later."_

_"We'd really like you to be part of the team. I never wanted to cut you in the first place."_

_Zoe smiled weakly, thanked Eve and hung up. _Oh god, what am I going to do?_ She felt as though she'd been thrust back into the past, and the first thing that came into her mind was Donner._ What am I going to do about Justin if I go back? What am I going to do about my job? My apartment? I wasn't good enough to make the cut before, now I'll be even further behind. How will I ever catch up?

_But though she was asking herself these questions using the word "if", she knew the decision was already made. She was going back._

*** * * * * **

As the weeks passed, Nadia grew more and more displeased with her relationship with Donner. She'd exerted her hold over him and had made it clear to her rival that he was her property. Zoe didn't seem to care though. She stayed away from him - away from both of them, except when they had to work together, and acted as if she didn't care that the two of them were sleeping together.

And that was another thing. It wasn't that Donner was unresponsive to her, but he screwed her only when _she_ pushed for it and never sought her out the way he used to. In fact he was extremely distant and didn't really talk to her at all, during or outside of sex. He was just letting himself be used. At one time she'd been okay with that arrangement but now it bothered her.

And another thing that was bothering her that she really couldn't talk about with anyone was the fact that things down below were changing. Her underwear wasn't fitting quite right and she'd been having lower belly cramps even when it wasn't that time of the month. She had an awful feeling in the pit of her stomach that it had something to do with the visions she'd been having. That was something she couldn't talk to anyone about. Never had, had never planned to. The cramps had become bad enough and things felt strange enough that she finally relented and decided to tell Evram. She needed pain relief and to know what was happening and the only way to get those things was through him.

"What can I do for you Nadia?" he said cheerfully when she came wandering into his work area and plopped herself down on one of the beds.

"I need some painkillers," she said forthrightly, tackling it head-on.

"Okay," he said slowly. "For what exactly?"

She told him about the cramps, emphasizing that they were probably menstrual and just particularly nasty right now.

"Lie down."

"What for?"

"Well you're here and you're in pain so I might as well do a full scan and see if we can figure out what's going on. It might be something more than you think it is, and you're nearly due for your bi-weekly scan anyway." He smiled. She didn't. "Come on, you know it doesn't hurt."

Nadia stayed silent throughout the exam, lips pressed together in a thin white line, hoping against hope that it wouldn't be what she suspected it was. Judging from the surprised look on his face and the things he was mumbling to himself, she wasn't going to get lucky.

"Nadia ... " he said somewhat distantly. "I know this is going to sound crazy, but I've checked it three times and I'm not wrong even though I swear I should be. I have no idea how this could possibly be happening ... the reason you're in pain is because your body is changing. It's growing something it shouldn't be." She saw him swallow and set his chin. "There are testicles growing inside you. I have no idea how it's possible, but I think you're beginning to turn into a man."

**~ TBC ~**


	10. Chapter 10

**~ Solar Flare ~**

_Chapter Ten - Kappa_

"You have got to be kidding me."

"I wish it were a joke but you know me, I have a pretty lame sense of humour."

Clare almost smiled. "Nadia knew about this and never told us?"

Evram nodded. "Apparently she was born a hermaphrodite and remained that way until puberty hit, then her parents were forced to make a decision one way or the other so she could live a normal life."

"Rather than remaining a freak."

"Exactly. Can you blame them? I can't imagine what it would have been like for her - she would never have been able to be in the gym changing room at school, she'd have had to wear clothing that would cover up parts she shouldn't have had ... it would have been a horrible life."

"I'm not disagreeing with that, but she should have told us; we're her doctors, we should have known of any pre-existing condition."

Evram shrugged. "I'm sure she never thought it was going to be an issue again. No one could have foreseen this."

They were both silent a minute. "So what are we going to do?" Clare asked.

"I don't know. she asked me to keep it confidential ... "

" And that includes telling me?" She smiled.

"Of course. You're her doctor too. Besides, I need to have someone I can talk to. It's one of the most unusual situations I've ever had to deal with."

"I have a feeling it won't be the last."

"I've a feeling you're right." He frowned. "For now we respect Nadia's wishes and just keep a close eye on her to see how things ... develop. Eventually we may need to take some course of action but I think for now it's best we let her deal with the emotional impact before it comes out to everyone else."

"Agreed."

*** * * * * **

The cramps had been happening on and off for a couple of days but Zoe hadn't mentioned them to anyone. Not even Jenn. Her best friend noticed when she grimaced though and her eyebrows drew together in concern.

"You okay Zoe? You look like something hurts."

"I'm okay." She winced as another sharp pain shot through her lower belly and went away. "Just a little stomach cramp. Nothing important."

"That time of the month cramps I bet. I hate those. You'd think with all we've learned and all the advancements we've made in medicine that we could still manage to have children while avoiding all of that nonsense."

"I don't get that time of the month cramps Jenn. Remember? I had a hysterectomy five years ago."

"Oh yeah, I forgot. Well maybe it's something you ate."

"Maybe ... maybe I'll just take a break and go to the washroom." She took off her gloves and put her instrument tray away. "Back in a few."

"Good luck." Jenn giggled. "Is that what one says for success in the bathroom?"

Zoe frowned at her. "Just stop now, okay? Before you start digging yourself in."

"I've never been good at knowing when to stop."

"Tell me something I don't know." The women grinned at one another.

Zoe had to admit that she did feel better after using the bathroom but something she noticed afterwards made her break out in goosebumps. The reflection looking back at her in the mirror was pale and a little frightened looking. _ It can't be. It simply can't._ Her brain short-circuited there and wouldn't let her go any further to complete the thought.

As afraid as she was of the possibility, she knew it was time to see Evram.

*** * * * * **

"Come on."

"Where?" Rollie looked warily at Goss through sleepy, half-open eyes.

"We're going home."

"I can't. I've been charged with reckless driving, DUI and possible vehicular manslaughter." His voice cracked audibly at the last few words and he felt a huge lump come into his throat. _Manslaughter. Slaughter. Death. I might have caused the death of another human being._ The tears that filled his eyes were for her, the victim, rather than himself. They were the first tears he'd shed for her.

"She's still alive and we've had the charges dropped. Now come on, you've missed enough time at work already. It's time to get back."

"So that's it? I get drunk, drive home and hit a woman, nearly killing her, and all I get is a nasty look and a 'hurry up and get back to your normal life?' How can I possibly get back to my normal life when I've severely injured someone? What if she dies?"

"Then her suffering will be over."

Rollie winced. He knew what Goss was trying to do and understood why he was doing it but his conscience would have none of it. He hung his head in his hands. "I can't do it," he said brokenly. "I can't just pretend nothing happened."

Goss stepped in a little closer and hissed, "you don't have a choice. We paid a fortune to have this hushed up so it never hits the press. That can't happen, no matter what the cost."

"The cost? A person's life is worth more than any money you can throw at it. What if the girl dies?" Rollie stood, thrusting his shoulders back belligerently.

"Then the ISO will pay for her funeral and that will be it. Better that than she stay in her current coma for life. It costs five million dollars to train an astronaut for a mission. We'll always be short if she lives and we have to pay her hospital bills for the next seventy years."

"You are so callous!"

"It's called being practical. Somebody has to deal with the situation."

Rollie sat back down. "Fine. I'll deal with it. I'll take responsibility for what I did. Leave me here."

"Don't you dare. You'll come back and you _will _do your duty without ever telling anyone what happened here. You have no choice; we own you Roland Crane."

The two men stared at one another for long minutes, eyes duelling. Goss's icy blue ones won and Rollie turned away, looking down at the ground in defeat.

"What am I supposed to tell Jenn?" he asked as they left the cell and walked towards the exit.

"Tell her nothing."

*** * * * * **

LIght footsteps alerted Evram that someone was coming so he shut off the computer monitor and closed the dossier he was looking at. Spinning around, he saw that it was Zoe who had padded in on quiet feet. _ I wonder what she'd make of Nadia's situation?_ he wondered. _ Better yet, I wonder what Donner would make of it? Will make of it, since at some point it's going to be too obvious to hide_. He almost wished he could break doctor/patient confidentiality just so he could see both of their reactions first hand.

"What's up Zoe?" he asked cheerfully. "Feeling the need to chat some more?"

She shook her head.

"Is something wrong? Are you okay?" His eyebrows drew together in a worried frown.

"I think I'm okay but something's definitely not quite right," she said softly.

He motioned towards the examination bed. "Sit down and tell me about it."

She did, leaving nothing out. Forthrightness with doctors had not always been easy for her, but her experiences on Venus and with the objects Beta and Gamma had put her in the "unusual health concerns" category and if something strange was happening to her, she wanted to know. Now.

"Let's do a few blood tests and I'll get the scanner ready. Whatever it is, we'll figure it out." Evram wasn't nearly as certain as he made himself sound. Not after what had happened on Venus's surface. Not after what he'd learned about Nadia. He was beginning to think he couldn't take anything he'd learned in med school for granted anymore.

He drew a vial of blood and put it into the machine. A bunch of letters and formulas came up on the screen. _That's odd,_ he thought. _ Those levels shouldn't be that high._ "Okay, lie down and we'll see if we can see what's going on." He ran the scanner over her body slowly and turned back to look at the picture on his monitor. _ Holy mother of ... it can't be. _ He looked over at her.

"So?"

Evram looked back at the monitor, pressed a few buttons and enlarged on particular area. He wasn't mistaken. How the hell ... ? Twice in a day? Clare was right, they surely were going through some unusual things.

"What? What is it?" She sat up.

"Zoe, this is going to sound crazy, but ... "

"I'm pregnant. Right?"

He nodded, dumbstruck. "How did you know?"

"Lucky guess."

He stared at her curiously, willing her to tell him more but she didn't. "Do you mind if I ask who the father is?" he asked eventually, almost expecting her to tell him it was an immaculate conception. After the day he'd had, it wouldn't surprise him in the slightest.

"Do you need to ask?" she returned in a very quiet voice.

"Donner?"

She nodded.

He pursed his lips thoughtfully. "So, he's changed as well. That makes three of you."

"Three?"

Suddenly he realized he'd been thinking out loud. "Just forget that, please. I didn't mean to say three."

"But you did. Does that mean someone else has been affected by the objects?"

"Do you think that's what caused it?"

Zoe shrugged. "What else could it be? I had my uterus removed and yet it's grown back and I'm pregnant, something none of us ever thought was possible. Things like that don't just "happen". The only thing that's different now from before we left Earth are Beta and Gamma."

"Not necessarily." The scientist in him sought for possible answers. "Maybe just being here, out in space, did something to your body chemistry."

She shook her head. "Then why haven't previous missions documented unusual things like astronauts growing back missing organs ... or experiments coming to full fruition instantly like Jenn's tomatoes? It seems pretty clear to me that miraculous things happening and the addition of two beings we can't even begin to understand to our lives can't be coincidental."

"Maybe you're right. But if so, why? Why are they doing these things to us?"

"Maybe they aren't _doing_ anything. Maybe it's just their presence that changes us."

"You think their presence has a healing effect? That it reverses things that are wrong with us?"

Zoe shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe. I'm just theorizing."

I_f so, that would mean my scars should be going away_, Evram thought. He was anxious to take a look; since leaving Earth he hadn't had a reason to, nor to assume they would ever disappear. _It does make some sense. Zoe and Nadia both had parts removed and now they're growing back. Donner had something cut so a part of him didn't work the way it was meant to, so it grew back. What do the rest of us have wrong with us that needs to be put right?_

"Well we can theorize all we like and probably will until we figure out what's going on, but the reality is that there's a baby beginning to grow inside you and we have to deal with it."

"Deal with it?" Zoe crossed her arms unconsciously over her belly. "What do you mean?"

He gave her a quick smile. "There's a reason we wear the HALO's - so we don't give in to our more primitive sides and find ourselves in situations we aren't prepared for. We're out here for six years and we aren't ready to have infants and children along for the ride. We have to talk to mission control and figure out what we're going to do."

Zoe nodded at him steadily but he could see just the littlest bit of something that was hiding behind her eyes. "Can I tell Donner first?" she asked quietly. "I think he deserves to know before it becomes public knowledge."

"Of course. Do you want me ... "

She shook her head and hopped off the bed. "No, I'll do it. But thanks."

*** * * * * **

It hadn't escaped Zoe's notice that Donner had been spending a lot of time alone lately. She'd seen him often in the observation lounge, staring out at the stars as if somehow getting the answers he sought form them.

He was there now. Alone. She braced herself and walked up to stand beside him. "Hey," she said softly, not wanting to interrupt his thoughts.

"Hey." He offered nothing more.

"You busy?"

"Not really."

She swallowed hard, feeling her heart rate begin to pick up steam. "Can we talk?"

Finally he turned to face her. "Listen Zoe, if this is about what happened when we first met ... "

She shook her head. "It's not about the past. It's about the present. Now. And the future."

"Okay." He cleared his throat the way he always did when he was feeling a little self-conscious. "Okay. What's up?"

"You might want to sit down." Her voice was barely a whisper.

Donner's eyes met hers and he dropped instantly into a chair. "What? What is it?"

Zoe took a deep breath. _Time to spit it out_. "I'm pregnant."

He stood and took two steps back. "This isn't funny."

"I'm not joking Donner."

"But you can't be."

"I know. And yet I am." She crossed her arms over her chest and launched into the story of how she'd been feeling and what Evram had found when he'd examined her.

"So why are you telling me ... " He stopped mid-sentence and she saw understanding dawn in his eyes. "Am I ... "

Zoe nodded. "It's like we've been given a second chance."

"What makes you think I wanted a second chance?"

**~ TBC ~**


	11. Chapter 11

**~ Solar Flare ~**

_Chapter Eleven - Lambda_

Zoe woke feeling groggy, eyes sticky and heavy from crying herself to sleep. Of all the things she'd thought Donner might say, what he'd actually said hadn't been one of them. It had hurt, more than she wanted to admit. She gritted her teeth and began to get ready for the day. Fine. Donner didn't care. She didn't need him. She'd been given another chance and damned if she was going to make the same mistake again.

The atmosphere in the room was tense as Ted led the usual morning briefing. Considering only she, Donner and Evram knew about the pregnancy, she wondered why the others seemed uncomfortable.

Ted looked tired, as if he hadn't slept in a long while. Evram stared at a spot across the room, appearing lost in his own thoughts. Donner stared out the window, mind a million miles away if she had any ability to read him at all. Jenn looked far off as well; Zoe wondered if she'd had any luck contacting Rollie but figured the answer was probably no. Her friend always looked happier when she was in contact with the ones she loved. Loneliness didn't suit her. Even Nadia looked as though she wasn't all there.

Wass and Paula were the only ones who didn't fit the mold. They both had smiles and sparkly eyes and as Zoe watched them, they stole small glances at one another. _Paula and Wass? I suppose ... _She thought about the times she'd seen them together and in hindsight realized that their prickly attitude towards on another might have been masking a different feeling that was growing between them. _Not unlike you and Donner back in the beginning._ She quashed the thought, stealing a quick peek at him._ There is no me and Donner. Never has been. Never will be._ She'd never been good at hardening her heart and though she'd learned to conceal her feelings from others, inside she still hurt, and probably always would.

"Any questions?"

Too late, Zoe realized she hadn't heard a word Ted had said. She looked around apologetically but everyone else seemed to be in a similar position. They all had slightly embarrassed looks on their faces.

"Did anyone hear a word I said?" Ted looked annoyed at first, then he chuckled. "Do we all need a day off, or what?"

Donner finally swung his eyes down to join the rest of the group. "You know, that's not such a bad idea. We've been all go-go-go for the last six weeks and maybe we don't realize just how much stress we've been under. A vacation day could be just what we need."

Zoe expected Nadia to come out with some comment about it freeing them up for more recreation, winking at Donner as she did so, but as she glanced over at her, she saw nothing but sadness on the other woman's face._ I wonder if Donner's giving her the cold shoulder too? _Even as the thought struck her she realized Donner was right. She needed this day for herself. She couldn't focus.

"I agree. I think we could all use a break."

All sets of eyes turned her way, some questioning, some smiling. She smiled and shrugged. "Who doesn't enjoy playing hookey now and then?"

Ted smiled, showing dazzlingly white teeth. "Then it's settled. Everyone scram and go find something fun to do. It may be your only vacation day for a long, long time so don't waste it."

"What about Eve? And Goss?" Jenn finally spoke up.

"I'll handle them. It's one of the 'perks' of being the mission commander."

Jenn smiled at him and Zoe felt uncomfortable as the vibe between them suddenly reminded her of the way things used to be when they'd been a couple. _Oh no, don't even think of going there,_ she admonished her friend silently, mind forgetting about her own problems as it followed the new track it had found to its logical conclusion. Somehow she had to find a way to talk to her friend. Jenn had absolutely no willpower when it came to men. One smile and she turned into a puddle. Zoe didn't want to see two good marriages ruined because Jenn was feeling lonely and needy.

*** * * * ***

The first thing Donner did with his day off was to have a date with the treadmill. He ran harder and faster than he had in a long time, trying to forget about the new tangle in his life, but all he could see was a vision of Zoe from his dream - naked and pregnant - in his mind. He wished he could wipe it away. He'd spent enough fruitless hours thinking about her, knowing that as much as a small part of him deep inside wanted to be with her and only her, a bigger part was still skittish about letting anyone get too close to him. He wanted, but he wasn't willing to let himself have. It was his own personal hell that he'd voluntarily accepted and had dwelled in since their first meeting. This new development was squeezing the walls of that virtual prison a lot closer though and he was feeling awfully uncomfortable.

He decided to take another shower - wash away the sweat - and go back to his room to spend some alone time. Watch some TV, do some reading ... something to help him relax and forget about the current situation.

The reading went over well and he spent a good hour engrossed in a mystery novel. The TV watching wasn't as successful. He couldn't find anything in the archives that struck his fancy so he put it on random. A Christmas Carol, the movie adaptation from Dickens' novel was what came up. _What the hell,_ he thought. _It'll be Christmas soon._ So he settled down to watch. But the theme of ghosts and visions made him uncomfortable as he kept seeing his own dream flashing before him and wondering about it took his mind off the movie. _ Is it symbolic of the past? How I lost Zoe and the baby by making it clear to her that I wasn't interested in any sort of commitment? Or is it symbolic of the future? Am I going to lose Zoe and this baby? Literally or just because I'm still emotionally distant? Or, as the movie suggests, are these just the shadows or the things that are yet to come but are able to be changed?_

He shut off the movie angrily and left his quarters to see if he could find something else to distract him.

*** * * * * **

Evram went to his quarters as soon as the briefing was over, making sure the sliding door was locked against impromptu visitors. He punched in the code for Clare's terminal, using a private channel.

"Ev!" she said cheerfully as she tuned in. "Miss you."

"Miss you too," he said, forcing a quick smile. "Can we talk? Alone?"

She gave him a curious look, peeking over and noticing the private communication channel. "It's pretty quiet here today. Goss and Eve are upset about something but they've taken it to her office. I don't know how long they'll be ... "

"Long enough. I'm sending you something. A scan I did yesterday."

Her eyebrows crinkled. "Wouldn't I have gotten it automatically?"

"I kept it private until we could talk about it."

She looked as if she wanted to ask more questions but he kept his lips shut tightly, sending her the information and allowing her to read it before saying anything.

"You have got to be kidding me."

"You were right when you said things were going to be changing up here. They are, faster than I can keep up."

"This is phenomenal. Absolutely amazing. You know this is a medical first, don't you?" She was obviously thrilled with the news.

"I do. It's astounding and incredibly hope-giving from a purely scientific standpoint."

"But?"

"But it's actually_ happening_. Zoe is pregnant. We're not equipped to deal with birth, infants and children. We're too far away to just run out to the drugstore because we don't have something we need."

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"Yes. No. Maybe. I know abortion is illegal and even if it weren't, I'm not in favour of it, save in the most exceptional of circumstances."

"Well this circumstance is definitely exceptional," Clare agreed. "But this is Zoe ... she's already had an abortion once in order to stay in the program. Telling her she has to do it again? I'm not sure I could do that."

"I'm not suggesting we 'tell' her to do anything."

"Then what are you suggesting?"

"I don't know." Evram shrugged. "I've known for exactly twelve hours. I gave her some time to tell Donner ... "

"He's the father?" she interrupted. "Again?"

Evram nodded. "But you and I are going to have to tell the others. Soon."

"Talk about the shit hitting the fan."

They stared at one another in grim understanding. "Maybe the best way to approach this is to stress the scientific value. The how and why, the miracle it is, and how we might be able to use it to further medicine in the future."

He nodded. "But there's still the immediate necessity of dealing with Zoe and her baby."

"True. But maybe Goss won't blow a gasket if we can show him the good side."

*** * * * * **

"This crew needs a break," Ted insisted. "They've worked long, hard hours with little rest and six weeks of that is taking its toll on them. They're distracted and having difficult focusing. Nothing useful would get done today anyway."

"Are Beta and Gamma having an effect on you?" Eve asked.

"Perhaps. No one has said anything about their hallucinations but it wouldn't surprise me. Whatever those objects are, they're powerful psychics."

"Are your people going to be able to handle it? We're only six weeks into a six year mission. Things can't be falling apart already or ... " Goss left the thought unsaid.

"They'll be fine," Ted insisted. "We'll be fine. So long as we make time to rest now and then."

"Fine. A day off it is. But see that you're back to work tomorrow."

Goss left Eve's office, leaving husband and wife alone to talk. "Isn't he just a ray of sunshine?"

Eve smiled. "He's under a lot of stress."

"So are the rest of us. He's not the only one keeping this secret and all of us up here have to keep our tongues in check all the time since much of our days are lived on-camera."

"I know," she said softly. "The rest of us here know that too. Mike just forgets sometimes."

"He needs to forget that he isn't the centre of the universe," Ted growled. "Sometimes I think it would have been a lot better if we'd left him behind on Mars."

"I'm sure we all feel that way about him sometimes. But he gets the job done, which is what counts. And he makes a good buffer between us and the government."

"I'll give you that."

Eve smiled again. "How are you doing honey?"

*** * * * * **

"So what did I do wrong this time?" Ted said cheerfully as he entered the med bay in response to Evram's summons. "Gained a pound because I've been lazy and haven't gone running these last few days?"

Evram smiled tightly. "No, nothing like that. It's not about you at all." Ted's eyebrow raised questioningly. "It's your position as mission commander."

All jocularity dropped from Ted's face. "What's the matter?"

"This is the matter." Evram pointed at the computer screen, allowing the other man to figure it out for himself.

"Someone's pregnant," Ted said to himself. "Six weeks along. But who ... " He looked up at the top of the screen. Zoe? _Zoe_ is pregnant?"

"Uh huh."

"How is that possible? I thought ... "

"We all thought," Evram interrupted. "But a miracle occurred here and she's been given a second chance to have children."

"You mean ... everything that was taken out has grown back?"

Evram nodded.

"Holy shit."

The two men stood in silence while Ted digested the information. "You know we have to tell Goss."

"I know."

"You know what he's going to say."

"Yes I do."

There was something in Evram's voice ... "You don't agree?" Ted questioned.

Evram took a deep breath. "I'm on the fence. I know it's a bad idea, that we're not prepared for it. But I hate taking a life. I swore an oath to save lives, even unborn ones. But I think what's more important is how Zoe feels about it. She terminated a pregnancy in the early stages of training and has obviously had regrets about that decision. I don't know if she'll be willing to give up another child for the program."

"She may not have a choice."

Evram said nothing.

"I'll talk to Zoe before I tell Goss," Ted said with a sigh.

"You might want to talk to Donner as well."

"He's the father? Sheesh, that man gets around. He could use two HALO's."

Evram smiled at Ted's dig but his mind was already miles away. Obviously something wants them to have a child together. Some power that knows something we don't, possibly? He'd never believed in God or some all-knowing being that had created the universe but he was definitely beginning to think there were things out there beyond his comprehension that needed acknowledging. The human race had always considered itself to be intelligent and all-knowing but maybe this trip was showing them just how much they really didn't know.

**~ TBC ~ **


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: I'm sorry it's been so long in between chapters! Life has been crazy this December, what with preparing for Christmas and being busy with rehearsals for concerts. I haven't forgotten this story (far from it!) and will be back on track again starting in January when the kids go back to school and life gets a little less crazy for me. Thanks for sticking with it and I wish you all well in 2010!

* * *

**~ Solar Flare ~**

_Chapter Twelve - Mu_

Ted fell into step with Donner in corridor three. He'd hoped to talk to Zoe first but he wasn't going to miss the opportunity to catch Donner alone.

"Hey, just the guy I was looking for," he said.

Donner slowed and looked over at his friend. "Yeah? You're not going to rope me into doing work on my day off, now are you?"

"No, but I was going to ask you how you managed to screw two women while wearing a HALO. That's impressive." Donner's eyes narrowed. "I know about Zoe and the baby."

Donner turned away and snorted. Then he looked up and noticed the cameras. "Let's go somewhere private."

Ted nodded and put his hand on the panel that opened up the cargo pods. Four was the one selected so they entered, silent at first, in awe of the music emanating from the beings within.

Ted wasted no time getting started. "You want to tell me what happened?"

"I need to tell you how making a baby works?"

Ted stared at him through cold eyes. "Why'd you do it?"

"Sleep with Zoe? Come on Ted, do you really need to ask?"

The two men stared at one another, music swirling quietly around them.

"You love her, don't you?"

Donner sighed. He'd hoped to be able to find some sort of sarcastic rejoinder but nothing came to mind. He nodded. "I love her. God help me, I do. I wish I didn't."

"Why?" Ted was genuinely curious. "She's an amazing woman. Brains, talent, beauty ... and unlike Nadia she's not a bitch. What more could you want?"

"That's the problem. I can't do it. I can't let her get to close. It doesn't matter how I_ want_ to feel, I just can't do it again."

"Because of Sharon." It was a statement rather than a question.

"Because of Sharon."

Ted looked at his friend squarely. "You can't do this to yourself forever. You have to forgive yourself and move on. You deserve to love and be loved. What's passed is past. It's time to look to the future."

"You know why I can't ..."

Ted held up a hand to stop him. "I know. I also know why she's not willing to make the first move."

Donner stared at the Beta object, avoiding Ted's gaze.

"What about the baby?" Ted prodded.

"What about it? I didn't want it, she didn't want it. As far as both of us knew, neither of us was even able to have children. This shouldn't have happened."

"But it did," Ted said softly. "And now we have to deal with it."

Donner didn't like the implication in the other man's words. "_Deal_ with it? How?"

"We have to tell Goss. You know what he's going to say."

"Yeah I know what he's going to say ... after he flips out and chews out my ass for screwing up yet again." Donner grimaced.

"I need to talk to Zoe before I do that. Do you want to come with ... "

"Nah, you go ahead. I don't know what else to say to her."

"What did you say before?"

"Not much."

Ted looked at him sharply. "This is as much your fault as it is hers. You need to show her she's not alone in this."

"I will. Later. You can talk to her first."

Ted pursed his lips, clearly not pleased. "Fine. I'll see you later. The three of us will need to face mission control together. There are going to be words and I see no reason why I have to be the go-between and get yelled at on your behalf."

Donner remained in pod four for a long time after Ted left. All of the thoughts he'd been trying to avoid were swirling around in his mind but being here, listening to the ethereal music around him, eased his mind. He could think and not get angry.

He closed his eyes and saw Sharon there in the darkness, as he'd seen her in his visions. Bloody, scared-looking, eyes imploring. _A life for a life. Isn't that fair? I took your life but I created another. Absolution. Maybe Ted's right and it is time to move on._

He hadn't done a complete turnaround by any means, but when Donner left the bay he felt a certain calm, a peace inside himself that he hadn't felt in a long time. Years.

* * *

"Hey baby."

Rollie's words sent a thrill of pleasure through her. Jenn's mouth curved up in a wide smile. "Hey yourself. Where have you been? I've been trying to get a hold of you for three days."

"Sick as a dog."

Jenn pouted. "You can't have been so sick you couldn't talk to me for a few minutes." She looked carefully at him and frowned. "You do look terrible though."

"I feel terrible." It wasn't a lie. His insides were still churning every time he thought about the poor girl he'd hit. He'd barely been able to eat a thing and the stomach acid creeping up his esophagus made him feel constantly nauseous. "I was so sick I could barely make it from the bed to the bathroom. I ended up camping out on the floor in there just so I wouldn't have to move."

"Poor baby. I wish I'd bee there to take care of you."

"Me too."

Jenn made some kissy noises and Rollie responded appropriately, though his heart wasn't in it. "Listen Jenn, I've got a surprise for you," he said.

"Really." She smiled. "You're a little far off, how are you going to get it to me?"

"You underestimate me." He smiled. "I hid it on the ship."

"Really?" She squealed with delight. "Where?"

"You're going to have to go up to the science lab. Then we'll play hot-cold until you find it."

"Oh Rollie, you're wonderful. Have I told you lately how much I love you?"

A lump began to grow in his throat. He nodded. "Tell me again. It never gets old."

* * *

"She's _what_?" Goss roared.

The discomfort level in the room, already near unbearable, rose several notches. Evram, Ted, Donner and Zoe all shifted their weight and swallowed hard. Almost as if they'd practiced.

"Zoe is six weeks pregnant," Ted repeated.

"I know it sounds impossible, but ... " Evram gave a short but detailed description of what was going on in Zoe's insides.

"This is the worst possible thing that could have happened up there."

Donner flushed. He thought about correcting Goss - surely there were far worse things like losing crew members, having the Antares fall apart and the entire mission fail - but decided to hold his tongue. Goss's lips were a thin white line and he was shaking with anger. Now wasn't the time to antagonize him.

"You're supposed to be wearing your HALO's so this sort of thing doesn't happen."

"We are," Ted assured him.

Zoe mumbled something under her breath but when all eyes turned her way she said, "never mind. Just talking to myself."

Then Goss spoke the words Evram knew were coming. "You'll have to terminate it."

"No." Zoe's voice was quiet but strong.

"What do you mean, no? You're not equipped to deal with that."

"_That _happens to be a person. A human being. Don't talk about it like it's a science experiment gone wrong." Zoe's face flamed but she stood her ground against Goss's furious glare.

Donner felt curiously turned-on by her sureness.

"It's not a person yet," Goss said in cutting tones, "and we can't let it grow into one because we don't have enough supplies to feed another person for six years. It's a mistake but one that can be easily rectified."

"No. I'm not giving up this baby."

"Are you insane?"

"I'm not aborting this baby." Zoe stood firm.

"Don't go standing the moral high ground now Zoe Barnes. You've done it before."

Eve finally stepped into the conversation. "Mike," she said warningly.

Zoe's face turned even redder but she lifted her chin proudly. "I know I have. That was a mistake. One I'm not repeating. I'm keeping this baby." She put an arm protectively over her abdomen.

"It's not your decision," Goss said coldly. "I'm in charge of this mission and what I say goes."

"No." Donner's low voice resounded in the small room. "If Zoe says she's keeping the baby then she's keeping it. You don't have the right to force her to do anything she doesn't want to do."

"Oh really?" None of them had ever heard Goss sound so nasty.

"Really. You're not doing anything she doesn't want you to do, and if you try, you're going to have to go through me first."

Goss looked as if he was about to go apoplectic. His face turned tomato-red and he was very nearly hopping up and down. "This is not the end of this," he snarled, then the screen went dark.

There was a full minute of silence. No one in the room moved or even appeared to breathe. Then Ted sighed. "Well, that went about as well as could be expected."

Donner turned to him. "You're not going to let this happen, are you? You're in charge up here; you can stop it."

"I can ... but I'm not entirely sure if I should."

"What? You wouldn't condone forcing an abortion if Zoe doesn't want one. I know you better than that."

Ted's eyes narrowed as he quickly met each of their enquiring looks. "I don't condone it, but Goss has a point. We have only enough provisions for eight of us. Adding one more means we all have to live on less than what's healthy for us. Not to mention, we don't have formula, baby food or anything even remotely appropriate for a toddler's diet. I don't think Zoe should be forced into giving up the baby against her will, no, but I'm also not sure how we can make this work. All the love and good intentions in the world can't make what we need materialize out of thin air. We have to be practical."

"So what are you saying?" Donner asked.

"I need a little time. We'll talk about it again tomorrow after the morning briefing. We all need some time to think about it before making a decision." He turned and left the room, clearly upset.

Evram touched Zoe's arm in a gesture of support as he too, exited.

Neither Zoe nor Donner spoke as they stood silently, not quite side-by-side, staring out into the darkness of space. Zoe couldn't have explained it if she'd tried, but she felt like the two of them were closer now than they'd ever been. Closer even than the night the baby had been conceived, though they weren't touching now.

"Thanks," she whispered, stealing a quick glance at his profile.

"No need to thank me," he replied, voice equally low.

"I never expected you would ... I mean, sometimes you can be ... "

"Stubborn? Arrogant? Idiotic?" he supplied, turning to face her.

She turned as well, a smile beginning to twinkle behind her eyes at the wry grin on his face. "Worse."

"Ouch."

The smile lit up her face. "Listen, Donner, I know this wasn't planned and it's something that's never been on your agenda, and I just want you to know that I don't expect ... "

"I'm here Zoe," he said firmly, interrupting. "No, I'd never planned on having a family, and frankly it scares the crap out of me, but even if I wanted to run, there's nowhere to go. I'm here, you're here, and we're having a baby. Together. You and me."

Her cheeks pinked at the unexpected warmth in his voice.

He reached a hand out and cupped her face gently. "We're in this together."

"Together," she whispered, smiling as tears glistened in her eyes.

**~ TBC ~**


	13. Chapter 13

**~ Solar Flare ~ **

_Chapter Thirteen - Nu_

Nadia was no fool. Even distracted as she was with her own problems, she could sense there was something going on. Something with a capital "S". Not everyone was a part of it; Paula and Wass were cheerful as always, but there was a vibe coming off Ted and Evram that was more than a little disturbing. And as far as Donner was concerned, his level of oddness was off the chart. He was behaving in a way that she, someone who'd spent many hours observing him at close quarters, knew was distinctly unlike his usual self.

Zoe was obviously at the centre of it. Ted studiously avoided looking at her throughout the briefing, while Evram's and Donner's eyes flicked back and forth between her and Ted protectively. Nadia wasn't sure what was going on but she certainly meant to find out.

"Dismissed. Doctor, Donner, Zoe, I need to see you for a few minutes before you start your work for the day."

She was right, it involved the four of them. Nadia was pleased she'd observed correctly. Jenn looked back curiously as she walked out with the others. Whatever it was, she wasn't in the know yet.

"What's going on?" Nadia asked Ted, making a point of not getting up and leaving.

"It's a personal matter," he replied evasively.

"I didn't think we were keeping secrets from one another."

"We're not," he defended, "it's just ... "

"Then you won't mind if I stay."

The looks of anger and irritation that came at her would have cowed a lesser woman. Nadia was pleased. She lived for confrontation and their attitude meant whatever it was they weren't telling her was important. _Very_ important.

Ted huffed and gave a quick look around the room before caving. "Zoe is pregnant." He let that sink in a moment before continuing. "We're trying to decide if she should keep it or abort."

"You're joking, right? A baby ... here ... out in space?" She smiled and then a thought struck her. Ted was the mission commander. Evram was the doctor. Zoe was the one in question. That meant Donner ...

She turned on him with narrowed eyes. "You're the father, aren't you?" she said, voice suddenly harsh. He nodded. "How dare you sleep with her!"

Donner's face flamed. "I'll sleep with whomever I please."

"While you're with me? How dare you cheat on me!"

"Whoever said anything about being together? You never wanted anything more than casual sex. I don't belong to you."

"We've been together for years," Nadia said, voice rising both in pitch and volume in her anger.

"Yeah, but it was just casual sex. You never wanted anything more, I never wanted anything more. It wasn't like we were _together._ Besides, you can't mean to tell me that in five years you've never had sex with anyone else?"

Nadia's mouth, open and ready for rebuttal, closed as she realized she'd been backed into a corner.

"Hey, hey now, let's try to stay on track here," Ted said, interrupting their quarrel. "You two can discuss your personal affairs on your own time. We need to deal with the situation at hand."

"You're not seriously considering letting it live, are you?" Nadia asked.

"Abortion is against the law," Evram reminded her.

"So what? A lot of things are against the law but that doesn't stop people from doing them. Driving over the speed limit is against the law but people do it all the time."

"You can hardly compare speeding to taking a person's life," Zoe murmured, eyes an icy shade of blue as they stared Nadia down.

"It's not a person yet, and even if you believe it is," she added, conceding the Right-to-Lifer's point that had won the global debate on abortion many years earlier, "we have to be practical. We don't have what is necessary to raise a child out here. We lack all of the basic necessities and in trying to cannibalize what we do have to create what we need we would be depleting our own resources. Do the math. Many cannot make that sacrifice for one."

"Have you ever had a decent, unselfish thought about anyone other than yourself in your whole life?" Zoe said hotly.

"Zoe," Donner said in a warning voice.

"You stay out of this," she snapped. "This is between me and her."

Donner opened his mouth but said nothing. He looked over at Ted. Ted shrugged.

"Have you ever cared about anyone more than yourself? Have you ever thought about doing something for someone just because it would make them happy, not because there was anything in it for you? No, you're thoroughly selfish and don't care about anyone else, including the rest of us. You've stepped on anyone you had to, to get where you wanted to go. You've taken whatever you wanted and not cared whom you might be hurting in the process. Now you're willing to kill a person and ruin someone else's life - perhaps two people's lives - " She stole a quick glance at Donner, "because it might make your life a little less easy? What kind of monster are you?" Zoe was breathing hard and she looked like she might take a swing at Nadia. "What if you were in my place? What if it was your baby people were talking about killing?"

"It would never happen. I'm not having children."

Zoe got a thoughtful look on her face. "I wonder why it's never happened to you. You slept with Donner probably every night for the last five years." Donner looked sheepishly at her. "Yet I only slept with him three times and twice I've gotten pregnant. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Your bad luck? Even if it was me in the situation now I would feel the same. The welfare of the many is greater than the welfare of the few. It would only make sense to abort it."

"Bullshit. You wouldn't."

"I would. You can't let emotions get in the way of logic."

"Being emotional is what we do!" Zoe cried out. "It's what makes us human. You never get emotional about anything - you're like a machine. It makes me wonder if you're even human."

"Ladies," Ted broke in, physically stepping between them as it looked as if they might come to blows. "Please. This is getting us nowhere."

"So why didn't you stop them earlier?" Donner said, looking rather red and embarrassed still.

"Sit back down." Ted waited until everyone was seated and quiet. "Nadia made a lot of good points, things that have been on my mind as well. It's always worth talking things out in a situation as critical as this. Tempers are bound to become heated but it's important that we all feel free to speak our minds. As Nadia said, we're not supposed to be keeping secrets from one another. We're a team, almost like family and we need to be able to rely on one another and know we can be honest with each other."

"So honestly, do you want me to abort this baby?" Zoe asked quietly, troubled eyes focused on his.

"No. My heart desperately wants you to keep the baby, to be a family and be happy."

"But ... " Donner prodded, knowing his friend all-too well.

"I may have to override my feelings in this. Nadia's right, logic dictates that this just won't work. Even if we do try to make the sacrifices necessary, there's no guarantee it will work out. And as mission commander I have to put the mission and the crew first." He swallowed hard. "I don't want to have to make this call, but I don't think you can keep the baby."

*** * * * * **

Clare closed her eyes as they rolled heavenward. "I don't envy you."

Evram smiled a small, tight smile. "Finally you're seeing the advantage to staying back on Earth."

Clare matched his smile. It was equally short-lived. "Much as I envied you being chosen to roam the universe and see things close up, I've always known it came with a high price and that I was the lucky one getting to stay behind." They were silent for a few moments. "So what are you going to do?" she asked softly.

"I'm not doing it Clare. I can't. I can't take a life, it's just who I am."

"I know." She reached an arm up as if to comfort him, then remembered they were millions of miles apart and dropped it. "I don't think that answer's going to go over well with Mike."

"No it won't," he agreed. "That's one plus of being out here though - he can't fire me if I don't do what he wants."

Clare chuckled. "That's my Ev, always looking for the bright side of a dark situation."

"Gotta take it wherever you can find it."

*** * * * ***

"You know it's the right thing to do."

Ted smacked his fist down on the desk in frustration. "Not the right thing, the cautious thing." He glared at his wife, though she wasn't the one he was angry with.

"Sometimes you have to be cautious hon. Logic dictates that you have to be careful out there."

"Careful? Cautious? Those are not words associated with astronauts and space exploration. Our mandate is to go out there and explore - to go where no one has gone before and experience things no one has experienced before us. We can't be cautious when we're mapping uncharted territory."

"This is hardly uncharted ... "

"But it is," he argued. "Beta, Gamma ... whatever these things are, they did this to Zoe. We're dealing with alien lifeforms who can do miraculous things. How is that not uncharted territory?"

"We don't know that they're responsible for this."

"We don't know they aren't either. Donner had a vasectomy reversed ... twice. Once in the space of only a month. How else can you explain that? Zoe had a hysterectomy, yet her uterus grew back from nothing. That's a freaking miracle! How else can you explain that? The fact that they were able to conceive a child despite the fact that it should have been one-hundred-and-fifty percent impossible is amazing. And I'm not sure it's something we should just toss aside because it's inconvenient."

"So did you tell her to abort it? It sounds like you're not comfortable with that decision."

"I don't know that I am. Not completely anyway. My head tells me we need to look at the practical side of things as far as our survival goes, but there's a large part of me that wants to let it go, both for Zoe and Donner's sakes, and for scientific discovery. The first human to be conceived, born and raised in space - aren't you the least bit excited about that prospect?"

"Of course I am. I'm just concerned for your safety."

Ted's eyes narrowed. "Sure. But you and Goss sent us up here, knowing about Beta and the visions, and knowing that we knew nothing and would be taken by surprise by the visions once we started having them. You let us come up here without vital information and without even knowing what our real mission was. I would consider that putting the aliens ahead of our welfare, and since they're the ones who seem to want this child to exist, maybe it's best we let it happen. If we abort it, who says they won't just make it happen again and then we'd be right back here having this discussion again. What if they keep doing it over and over? How many times do we force Zoe to have an abortion she doesn't want?"

Eve thought about it for a few minutes, initial anger at his words dropping away from her face and revealing an almost worshipful curiosity. "You know Goss is never going to to approve."

"I know," he said lightly. "But what is he going to do from down there?"

She smiled. "You really are terrible."

"The worst." He returned the smile. "Guess who put me in charge?"

**~ TBC ~**


	14. Chapter 14

**~ Solar Flare ~ **

_Chapter Fourteen - Xi_

_Donner sat in the middle of the living room, appearing to but not really listening to the insults flying around him._

_"I can't believe you left two people there to die."_

_"Coward. You're nothing but a coward, busy saving your own skin at your comrades' expense. They should have flogged you."_

_"Doesn't being directly responsible for someone's death make you a murderer?"_

_"We had such great hopes for you."_

_"Shouldn'a named you after the great one. You give a real hero a bad name."_

_He didn't need to listen. He'd heard it all, inside his own head. It had filled the trip from Mars back to Earth; only a month yet it had seemed like a lifetime. He still felt numb._

_He'd known exactly how his family would react to the tragedy - blame him. Not that he wasn't blaming himself for not disobeying orders and doing more to try to save Sharon and Walker, but it would have been nice to have had someone tell him it wasn't his fault and attempt to comfort him._

_His father, a drunk since before Donner could remember, had never had a positive word to say about anything or anyone. His mother, supportive when she thought he was doing the family name proud, ran like a rat on a sinking ship when things weren't though. His brother and he had never gotten along; Johnny had envied him from the time they'd been young boys. Donner had always done quite well in school without really trying and had been the star of any sport he'd chosen to try. Johnny was a ne'er do well whose only notice came when he was in trouble for yet another misdemeanor._

_He really should have known better than to come back here for sympathy and support. _

_"Where are you going?" his father roared as Donner rose, silencing the jabs._

_"I'm packing my things. Leaving," he said bitterly._

_"Ha! I knew you were a coward." The man, already nine parts drunk, took a long draught from his beer bottle. "Can't even face yourself after what you did."_

_Donner bristled. Perhaps it was because that was exactly what his subconscious was telling him, but his father's words made him angrier than he'd ever felt before. "Well I won't be facing any of you ever again!" he yelled, red-faced. "I'm leaving and I'm never coming back."_

_And he had - ten minutes later he'd stomped out the door and hadn't set foot in that house for eight years, until his mother's funeral._

Parenting was hard. He knew that, even if he laid aside the memories of his own dysfunctional childhood. His friends' parents had always looked tired and given the things they, he and his friends, had gotten into as teens, it was no wonder.

He wondered what his father would say if he told him about the baby. Congratulations and good wishes for the future would certainly not be forthcoming. Likely more of what he'd experienced after Mars. _"You, a father? Ha! You can't even keep people who can take care of themselves alive! How the hell do you expect to take care of a helpless baby? You're a loser and always have been. Worthless screw-up, fathering a child you don't want. Poor thing'd be better off being a bastard than having you as a father." _

Donner's fists balled up involuntarily. No, he would not contact his father and tell him. He'd tried to get in touch with him when the call had come for him to join the mission unexpectedly, but though he'd left a message his father had never returned it. _He doesn't care about you, never has,_ his subconscious whispered. _Let it go and forget about him_. But another voice began to whisper insistently in his ear. _Use him as an example of how not to be with your own son or daughter. Make sure he or she knows you love them unconditionally._

_I won't be like him,_ he promised himself. _And I'll start by treating Zoe better than he ever treated my mom._ He stood and unclenched his fists. It was time to go find her and tell her how he felt.

*** * * * * **

_She lay in bed for the third day in a row, absolutely miserable. This is what you wanted, her subconscious needled. You wanted to see space with no complications. A baby is a complication. You had to get rid of it. _

_Her subconscious was right. She hadn't wanted to give up her life's dream to become a mother. So why did she feel like she'd lost something immeasurably valuable that she could never get back?_

Zoe cradled her stomach. "I won't let them take you away," she said softly to it. "I'll protect you and keep you safe this time." She looked up at Beta. "I'm sorry I let you go," she said. "But at least we found each other again. Soon you'll have a little brother or sister." She knew how crazy it would sound if anyone heard her but she couldn't help the intense feeling she had that the spirit of her dead child lived in the awesome creature in front of her. It writhed toward her, as if beckoning her to pick it up but she held back. They'd been instructed not to touch the objects. Some already felt she spent too much time in their presence, arguing that no one knew what exposure to them might do, but Zoe felt safe with them. She knew there was no way she could be hurt here.

"Zoe?"

She turned, surprised. She hadn't heard the door open.

Donner walked over to stand beside her. "How'd I know I'd find you here?" he said, smirking just a little.

"Lucky guess?" Zoe smiled and faced him full-on. She looked happy and radiant in the glow of the objects.

Donner's heart stung. He lifted a hand and touched her cheek gently, hesitatingly. "You look so beautiful ... "

She leaned into the contact as his fingers gently brushed her skin. Then she pulled back, as if embarrassed by the intimacy. "You do want this baby ... right?" she half asked, voice very quiet suddenly.

"Of course." He smiled warmly at her and as always, her insides began to flutter. "So uh ... what do we do now? I mean, with you being pregnant and all ... should we, should I stay in your quarters with you?"

"No." The word sprang out quickly and Zoe drew herself up proudly. "I mean, you don't need to. I'm fine, really. Besides, those rooms are too small for two people."

"Eventually there are going to be two of you that will have to share," he reminded her.

"I'll deal with that when it comes. For now, everything's fine the way it is."

"Okay." The silence hung between them, heavy with unspoken words. Zoe knew he was hurt by her rebuttal; he was attempting to keep the nonchalant exterior up but she could see it in his eyes, the one part of him that hadn't learned how to lie.

She wished she could apologize for being snippy. She'd been treated like a fragile, porcelain doll too many times and hated the implication people made that she was too delicate to take care of herself. Her defenses rose, prickly and unforgiving, whenever she felt like she was being treated like a helpless infant.

"So what are you going to do about work? You should take it easy ... "

"I'm fine Donner," she snapped. "I'll do my job same as always until the baby comes. Then I'll play it by ear."

"But ... "

"Working in the lab testing samples isn't exactly strenuous," she said sharply. "It's not like I'll be walking around on any strange planets."

"Come a few months from now I don't think there'd be a suit to fit you anyway."

Zoe caught the twinkle in his eye though he was doing an admirable job of keeping a straight face. She felt her shoulders drop and smiled just a little as she relaxed and the moment of tension between them was broken.

"No, I suppose not. A pregnant astronaut. Who'd have thought?"

*** * * * * **

They haunted his dreams. Many of his waking hours too, even when he wasn't hallucinating. _You think you'll never forget the first patient who dies under your care but you do in time. You forget all of them and just move on. You have to or you can't keep doing the job. _ Evram didn't believe his mentor's words. The senior physician he'd trained under had been wise but in this one thing he'd been wrong. Ev never forgot the first patient he lost. Nor the next, nor the hundreds of people he might have saved - the children who'd died when their school had collapsed. It didn't matter that they were on the opposite side of the skirmish; they were _people _and he should have saved them. The adults didn't bother him so much, particularly not the elderly who'd had their time or the soldiers who'd been willing to die for their cause. But the children, _the children _... so young, with their whole lives ahead of them. Would they have become doctors like him? Teachers? Politicians and leaders? Whatever good they were going to do was lost now. _I'm not letting that happen again. I will not allow a child to die under my watch again. Zoe and Donner's baby could grow up to be someone vitally important and end up saving humankind somehow, someday. I'm going to make sure that child lives, if it's the last thing I do._

Evram stood, shook his head a moment to clear it of the visions, and headed out of the medbay to talk to Ted. It was a short journey as Ted himself had been coming to see him and they met in the corridor.

"Listen," Evram said, drawing in a deep breath for courage. "I don't care what the verdict is, I'm not aborting Zoe's baby. I can't do it. It's against the oath I swore as a doctor and it goes against everything I believe in." He straightened himself up half an inch, squaring his jaw for the fight he knew was coming.

"It's okay," Ted said.

"Hmm?"

"I was coming to let you know I've changed my mind."

"What?" Evram looked him up and down. "Why?"

"I have a feeling - and it's just a gut feeling but I'm trusting it - that this child might turn out to be more important than any of us can even begin to imagine."

Evram swallowed. "You know Goss isn't going to back us."

"I know," Ted said calmly. "But he's not here. His opinions don't really matter."

*** * * * ***

_Everything happens for a reason._

Ajay stared out the window, watching the leaves shivering in the cool, autumn sunset. He imagined he could hear them, the birch and poplar, as they rustled their familiar tunes in the breeze. It was a sight and sound that he loved and knew he would have missed greatly during his six years away, had the mission worked out for him. He felt a certain sense of peace for the first time since being recalled.

Those first days, weeks, had been hard and he'd certainly gotten a taste for how Donner and Ted had felt upon not being chosen. _Everything happens for a reason._ It was easy to say when things were going well and your dreams were coming true. Not so easy to accept when your world shattered and you were stuck picking up the pieces and trying to figure out what to do next.

Something was going on, something that only a handful of people knew about. Eve, Clare and Goss had had several closed-door meetings but Ajay had shamelessly done a little lip-reading through the glass and knew whatever it was, it was about Donner and Zoe.

_Donner and Zoe. _ It still upset him to think of them as a duo, but he was beginning to believe that perhaps they did belong together. His heart said no - she deserved someone better who would treat her the way she should be treated, but his mind repeated the mantra he'd lived by all his life, and when he thought about the complexity of Zoe and Donner's relationship through the years, he had to admit that it seemed fate had had a heavy hand in it. To what end? Ajay had no idea. But he was beginning to entertain the notion that as much as he cared for her, she had a destiny elsewhere. With Maddux Donner.

He wanted to know what was going on, to find out if there was anything he could do. He hated feeling helpless. They were family, adopted after five years of being together almost constantly, and shouldn't be keeping secrets from one another. His eyes turned to land on Rollie. Speaking of secrets, there was something going on with Rollie too.

Ajay turned and headed determinedly back into mission control. It was time to find out what was going on.

**~ TBC ~**


	15. Chapter 15

**~ Solar Flare ~**

_Chapter Fifteen - Omicron_

"Clare."

She turned quickly, a guilty expression on her face that eased into a smile when she realized who it was. "Ajay, what's up?"

"Are you up for a coffee break?"

"Almost." She glanced at her watch. "Ten minutes 'til my time. Why?"

"It's almost time for me as well. Would you like to join me?" Ajay wished he could be more direct but the room had eyes and ears everywhere and he didn't want his attempt to get answers to be curtailed before he'd even begun.

She smiled coyly. "Are you asking me out on a date?" she teased.

Ajay laughed out loud. "I wouldn't dream of stepping on Evram's territory. I just haven't seen much of you lately and I thought it would be nice to spend my coffee break _with_ someone for a change."

"Sounds good to me. Ten minutes then."

He smiled and bowed ceremoniously, enjoying her laughter at his formal behaviour. He noted that most of the people around them were smiling as well, with one notable holdout; Arnel. Ajay felt for the man. Losing both a limb and the future you'd spent your life dreaming about had to be tough. He himself was only dealing with one of the two and that was hard enough for him. Still, the accident had happened four years ago; Arnel should have been able to move forward and not dwell on it. _Says you. You can't even begin to imagine the pain, the difficulty, the indignity of living the way he is with a replacement leg. It's not something that you just 'get over' - he has to live with it for the rest of his life. Sure, he's got a dream job working in Mission Control at the ISO - something others would kill for, but you know all-too well how much of a letdown it is when you're absolutely certain you're going into space_. He made a silent vow to try to spend more time with Arnel and draw him out, give him a chance to talk. Maybe all he needed was a friend.

Movement caught his eye, pulling him out of his reverie. Clare had gotten up and was heading towards him.

"Is it time already?"

She smiled. "Time flies."

*** * * * * **

Ted circled the room nervously. Only Nadia was missing. He'd called them all together to make the announcement about the baby but now that the speech was imminent, he was realizing it might be a tougher sell than he'd thought. _ Donner, Zoe and Evram are on your side, that's four out of eight. Fifty percent. Halfway there. _ It made him feel a little better to think of it that way but he knew Nadia was still going to make trouble. Jenn would support Zoe. That's what best friends were for. Wass and Paula were the wild cards.

Nadia entered suddenly and took a seat over in a corner by herself. She looked displeased at having been taken away from the controls.

"I've asked you all to come because I have an announcement to make. It's something that's going to affect us all, moving into the future, and I need us to be willing to help in whatever way we can. We're really going to need to think out of the box on this one."

"Ooh, I like where this is going already," Wass said, smiling impishly. "Out of the box is where I live."

Ted allowed a brief smile to cross his face then he took a deep breath. "Well, there's no easy way to say this ... "

"Zoe is pregnant."

Ted shot Nadia a dirty look at the interruption.

"What?"

"Holy shit!"

"How can that be?"

The room erupted into incredulous questions. The only ones silent were Zoe and Donner, who sat side by side and looked at one another. The chatter eventually grew quieter and then stopped altogether, as Evram explained the medical miracle that had happened.

"You are frickin' kidding me," Jenn said, and Zoe cringed at the venom in her voice.

"It was the objects," Wass said excitedly, face glowing. "I know it. They're amazing. I can't believe it, this is just the most incredible thing ever."

Paula, sitting beside him, basked in his ecstatic glow, but the expression on her face showed she wasn't entirely certain what to think. "It's a miracle indeed," she said, "but I'm not sure it's a good thing, given our circumstances here."

"Thank you," Nadia said quickly. "At least someone else around here sees sense."

"Was a dirty stable amidst animals the right place for a miracle? Jesus was born to the poorest of the poor, to an unwed teenage mother, and in a place only fit for cows and pigs. It was hardly the right place for a miracle, yet that's exactly _why _it was a miracle."

"Are you comparing Zoe's baby to Jesus Christ? You think it will be a Saviour too?" Nadia asked contemptuously.

"I don't honestly know what to think," Ted said truthfully. "But this, like the birth of Jesus, was an immaculate conception. Zoe wasn't able to have children. Neither was Donner. Yet they did somehow. I don't think we can even begin to understand the significance of this, and to dismiss its importance because it's "inconvenient" is not our mandate as scientists. Miracles happen and we need to explore how and why, not sweep them under the rug and pretend they don't exist. You may not be a believer in God, Jesus or any of that story but this is a miracle nonetheless and we can't deny its significance."

Obviously his speech had struck a chord with Paula, for she was nodding and her eyes were shining like Wass's, if for a different reason. Nadia still looked unconvinced. Surprisingly, so did Jenn, though she'd said nothing up to this point.

"So what you're saying is that you're planning on letting the baby live," Jenn said, crossing her arms over her chest. "Seems like a dumb idea to me."

"Jenn!" Zoe was outraged.

"I'd agree," Nadia broke in, "but it seems no one else is sensible around here."

"Regardless of whatever dissenting opinions there are, the decision has been made," Ted said firmly, though inside he was more than a little shocked at Jenn's words. "Our job now is to support Zoe and help her through the pregnancy, and to do that out of the box thinking I was talking about earlier to come up with ideas of how to take care of the baby once it's born. We have to do a lot of improvising and we've got roughly eight months until the big day."

Everyone stood and stretched. Nadia, Ted and Evram left right away; Paula and Wass stayed back to talk to Zoe for a moment and congratulate her. She smiled at their words but was conscious of the fact that Jenn had only stopped long enough to throw a dirty look in her direction and had then taken off without a word.

Zoe hurried after her. "Jenn," she called out, running to catch up. "What's wrong?"

Jenn gave her a sidelong glance and kept walking. "Nothing. Congratulations," she said tersely. "I'm sure you'll all be very happy together."

Zoe grabbed her arm, forcing her to stop. "What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing's the matter with me. _ I'm_ fine. You're the one with the weird stuff going on."

Zoe's eyes narrowed. "Did I do something wrong? 'Cause it's not like you to be like this."

"What am I suppose to be like when I find out my supposed best friend is keeping secrets from me?"

"I wasn't keeping this a secret Jenn." She flushed. "I only just found out and had to tell Ted first, as it's something that could compromise the mission and he needed to know."

"Let's not forget Donner. You had to tell him too, didn't you?"

Zoe flushed a deeper shade of red at the pointed, cutting sarcasm in her words. "He is the baby's father, of course he had to know."

"Of course." Jenn threw her arms up in the air. "Silly me. Why would I think I came before that? Donner's always been more important to you."

"That's not true!"

"Isn't it? I think it has to be now, now that you're together."

"We're not together." Jenn's eyebrows rose. "Well not exactly. I mean ... " Zoe stopped and sighed. "It's complicated."

"Well I'll make your life a little less complicated by leaving you alone." Jenn turned away and began walking.

"That's not what I want and you know it! Jenn please ... "

"I have work do do." Jenn turned a corner without looking back.

Zoe's eyes filled with tears. "Dammit."

*** * * * * **

"Would you care to tell me what's going on?"

Clare flinched just a little. Ajay's voice was quiet and respectful, as always, but it held a note of determination she'd never heard before.

"I know there are things going on behind closed doors. Things on the Antares and things here, involving Rollie."

"Yes there are. But I'm not supposed to talk about them."

Ajay frowned. "We're a team. We're all suppose to be working together. How can we do that if people are keeping secrets?"

Clare thought for a moment, then closed her eyes as she made the decision. "You're right. We shouldn't be keeping secrets. And as far as what's going on on the Antares, well, everyone's going to know sooner or later anyway so it might as well be sooner. Zoe's pregnant."

"What?" He was aghast. "But that's not possible!"

"I know."

They stared at one another. Ajay took a deep breath to steady himself. "Donner is the father?" he half asked. Clare nodded. "That shouldn't be possible either."

"I know. I was the one who did his vasectomy. I'm as amazed by it as you are. But I can't argue with the facts."

"So what are they going to do?"

"I don't know yet," she said guardedly. "But it's going to be a tough decision to make either way, and there won't be consensus. I'm pretty certain about that."

"Undoubtedly." He was quiet for a few minutes, trying to let it all sink in. "What can I do?"

"At the moment, pretend you don't know. Please. Goss will have a briefing soon to let everyone in Mission Control in on the situation, but if he thinks I've leaked the information he'll have a coronary. After he removes my head that is."

Ajay smiled. "The secret is safe with me."

"Once it's become public knowledge, you can talk to Zoe. You two are friends - be there for her and support her. She'll need that regardless of what the decision is regarding the baby. Especially if Goss orders it terminated. I have a feeling she'll have real difficulty with that."

"With good reason. Does Donner know this time?"

"I believe so. If not, he will soon."

*** * * * * **

"You are not going to fight me on this."

Ted stared into Goss's red face, strangely unaffected by his boss's anger. "No, I'm not fighting you. I've made the decision and it stands."

"You can't do that!"

"How are you going to stop me?"

"We have remote control of your ship," Goss said through tight, white lips that barely moved.

"Sure, but what are you going to do with us? Change our course? Bring us home early?"

"I'm tempted."

"What would you tell the stakeholders? They've paid a fortune for this. You'd be willing to tell them you've cut this experiment short because something unexpected occurred? I think you might as well kiss your job goodbye if you do that."

"You ... you ... !" Goss spluttered, unable to even verbalize his anger.

Ted crossed his arms over his chest. "I think your best bet would be to tell the public what's going on. They're going to know sooner or later anyway, unless you turn off the camera feed, and if you do they're going to know you're hiding something. Tell them and play up the scientific curiosity angle. You don't need to tell them about the objects or that this is a miracle, just tell them Zoe's pregnant and now we get to watch the first human to be born in space. Put a positive spin on it. People will eat it up. Trust me."

Goss's lips pressed together even harder and his eyes were like flint. "Just because you've won the battle doesn't mean you've won the war."

"What war? This isn't a battle Mike. It's life. Life happens and you just have to roll with the punches."

**~ TBC ~**


	16. Chapter 16

**~ Solar Flare ~**

_Chapter Sixteen - Pi_

The hatch slid open with a hiss and Wass noted with surprise that Paula was the one entering the bay. He walked over to join her, an involuntary smile lighting up his face at the beautiful song the beings were singing. Emanating might perhaps be a better word but he couldn't help but think of it as vocal. It sounded vocal, like two voices sharing their innermost music through undistinguishable vowel sounds. But as they had no discernible mouths, emanating would be a more proper scientific term for it. The sound just seemed to be a part of them, like an aura. _I wonder if we resonate like that_, he wondered, the thought occurring to him for the first time. _ I wonder if we each have our own song that is a part of us that is imperceptible to us but that other being can hear? Do these being know one of us from the other, and if so, how? _ His scientific curiosity piqued, he decided to experiment and find out.

"It's a little bit creepy, don't you think?" Paula said.

"What?"

"The fact that these being can know us inside and out, read our thoughts, know our desires and even change us physically, all just by being close to us."

"Can't God do all that without us even seeing Him?"

She looked at him sharply and he smiled and said, "I'm half-teasing you. But isn't it true? People who believe in God believe that He knows every thought you've ever had, every word you utter before it even crosses your lips and knows exactly who you are and what choices you're going to make. And no one has ever even seen Him in the last two thousand years. Isn't that even creepier than these beings? At least these beings have a physical form ... sort of."

"So did God when he was living as Jesus Christ," she argued.

"Yeah, but those are just stories, told and retold and translated so many times that no one knows if they're actually true or not. None of us living now have proof that any of it actually happened."

Her eyes narrowed. "Are you trying to debunk Christianity and tell me it's all lies?"

"No, no, that's not what I'm doing at all!"

Wass was at his best when earnest about science and Paula couldn't help but feel his magnetism even though she was a little irked by his comments.

"People believe in a God who loves and cares for his people and causes miracles to happen, and that's fantastic. But God isn't _here_. He isn't visible or quantifiable like these creatures are." He pointed at Beta and Gamma, whose song grew louder as he praised them. "They seem to have the same omniscent powers as God and an ability to cause miracles to happen too. You shouldn't find that creepy, you should embrace it the way you embrace your faith in God. And what's even more fantastic is that people with more of a scientific bent who need concrete proof will believe. Many have difficulty with the God story because there isn't any proof; it's all faith-based. Scientists don't need faith to believe in this, the proof is right there in front of their eyes and ears."

Wass's cheeks were red and he was breathless by the end of his speech. Paula's eyes shone. "You are so eloquent Steven. Who would have known?"

Unconsciously he moved a couple of steps closer to her. "I've always wondered why I was chosen for this mission. I shouldn't have made the cut. I shouldn't have even made it past the first few days of training. I've thought and thought but I could never come up with a reason for me to be here."

Paula moved a step closer 'til their bodies were almost touching. "You're special," she said in a very low voice. "More special than anyone realizes, even you."

Slowly, improbably, their heads inclined toward one another until their lips were touching. His hand came up of its own volition and cupped her face gently as they began to kiss.

Paula felt a thrill of pleasure run all the way down her spine and she shivered. _ Uh oh,_ her subconscious whispered. _Now what?_

*** * * * * **

_A small part of him died as Donner walked away, shoulders slumped in defeat. Telling him lies about Zoe, the baby and her reasons for wanting to leave was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. Lying didn't come easy to Ajay Sharma and he'd prided himself on always being truthful, even when it got him into trouble. This wasn't his secret though, and Zoe was his friend; Donner merely his teacher. A coworker possibly, if you wanted to go that far. His loyalty was to Zoe, to help her and keep her safe. _

_It wasn't like he hadn't lied before - about this very same thing, in fact. But it had felt different then, somehow. More positive. Less like he was breaking apart something that belonged together. Like he was changing destiny. And not for the better._

*** * * * * **

A sea of shocked faces looked back at him, all except for Clare's. And Ajay's. Goss's brow winkled slightly. Why didn't the man look surprised? He looked ... wary. It made him uncomfortable.

For the moment he pushed that new issue aside and spent the next half hour briefing the staff on the situation on the Antares. He hated having to swallow his pride but he had to admit Ted was right. He had no control over the situation and the only way to regain some small measure was to pretend that this was a golden opportunity and he was encouraging it. Otherwise everything would fall apart.

As the meeting broke up and people began to leave the boardroom, Goss walked over to Ajay. "Ajay, a word?" he said, forcing a smile.

"Of course."

He put his arm over the other man's shoulders in a gesture of comradeship. Ajay was instantly wary.

"When I broke the news about Zoe's pregnancy you didn't seem surprised. It was a big shock to everyone else - except Clare, who knew from monitoring Zoe's health - I'm curious why you weren't surprised like the rest."

Ajay decided to tell a partial truth. He'd never been a good liar but he did know that the best lies had a kernel of truth at their centre. "I wasn't particularly surprised," he said, thankful his dark complexion didn't show his slight blush.

"Oh?" Goss's eyes narrowed.

"It was no secret that Zoe and Donner have had a thing going for a long time."

"_Really_?"

"Well ... kind of behind the scenes, so to speak."

"I thought Donner and Nadia ... "

"They were, on and off. The thing between Zoe and Donner is ... complicated. It's been kind of hit and miss with them, although those of us who've spent any appreciable amount of time with them could see they cared deeply for one another. It's just, they were never able to ... " He used his hands to illustrate the point. "I guess living at close quarters like they are forced them to finally work things out."

"Huh." It was clear Goss was surprised. Ajay gave an inward sigh of relief. "How come no one ever said anything to me?"

"Was it really your business?" Ajay asked pointedly.

Goss's normally pale face coloured. "There's an unwritten code about relationships between instructors and candidates."

"Like Donner and Nadia? How about Rollie and Jenn? Or maybe Ted and Eve - is it okay to have a relationship with the boss?"

Goss's flush deepened. "I get your point. So what you're saying is that you knew Donner and Zoe would hook up."

"Not knew, suspected it was a possibility."

"It's a little disconcerting that this happened while they were both wearing HALO's. Clare has assured me they're working perfectly."

"HALO's were created to inhibit lust. Love is a much harder thing to stop. Impossible I would think."

*** * * * ***

Jenn lay in her bed and wept.

It wasn't fair that she had to be separated from her beloved husband for six years while Zoe and her erstwhile lover got to be together and make babies.

It wasn't fair that as Zoe and Donner were growing closer together, she and Rollie were growing apart and she had no idea why or what had caused such a change in him.

It wasn't fair that Zoe, who'd chastised her for allowing a rabbit embryo to grow into a live bunny, was now expecting no less than full support for her accidental pregnancy.

And it wasn't fair that as Jenn's life seemed to be going down the tubes, she was losing the one friend she always thought would be there for her.

She'd never felt so alone.

_"You're allowed to play in the rooms on this floor but the next floor up is off limits. Do you understand?" Jenn nodded. "Those are my private rooms and I won't have you disturbing me. Children should be seen and not heard. Preferably not even seen."_

_She bit her lip. When the woman was gone she threw herself onto her bed and lay there crying quietly. It wasn't fair. She'd just lost her parents, that was painful enough. Now she had to move far away from her friends to live with an aunt she didn't even know, who clearly hated children. _

_"It's not fair," she sobbed. "It's just not fair."_

She felt like she was six years old again. Losing everything hurt just as much the second time around.

*** * * * * **

_Should I tell her or shouldn't I?_ Zoe hadn't realized how long she'd been debating the question until there was a knock at the door and she looked at the clock.

"Come in."

Donner entered, looking a little self conscious. "You mind if I ... ?"

She shook her head, so he came in and sat beside her on the bed. The silence was somewhat uncomfortable.

"So, what are you doing?" he finally asked.

"Deciding whether or not to tell my mother about the baby."

"Of course you have to tell her. She's your mother; it's her grandchild."

"Are you going to tell your family?"

"Hell no."

"See?" She threw her arms up in the air. "Double standards. Your parents will be grandparents too. I'm sure they'll want to know."

"Don't be too certain about that."

Zoe looked sharply at him. She recognized the set of his jaw and the slight lowering of his shoulders. "You don't get along with them?" she asked, voice softer.

Donner swallowed. "My dad. He and I have never gotten along and it's only gotten worse since mom died. We don't talk unless we have to."

"Isn't this important enough to break the silence for?"

He faced her. "_I _think it is and I'm happy about it, but that's not how he'll see it. I'm a failure - everything I do is wrong and causes him to be ashamed of me. I don't want to hear what he has to say, well, because words spoken can never be taken back ... you know? I'd rather not have the conversation at all and just be happy in my own little world."

She took his hand and laced their fingers together. "I'm sorry Donner," she whispered. "It must have been hard, growing up with that."

"I s'pose, but I guess if nothing else it prepared me for the reaction I got from the public after Mars. I learned to let most of it roll right off."

Zoe's cheeks pinked. "I have to admit, I was one of those people who despised you for what you did ... until I got to know you and realized you'd never intentionally leave a comrade behind. It's just not who you are."

"Well I'm glad you figured that out," he said, voice dropping to match hers.

"I wouldn't trust you with my life if I hadn't."

"You know I'd never let any harm come to you or our baby."

"I know."

He leaned forward and kissed her, endeavoring to show her without words what he was still incapable of saying aloud.

She kissed back, openly and without reservation, other hand coming up to cup the back of his head. Passion flared and before long they were lying side by side on the bed, bodies twined together though they were still clothed.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he whispered, gently pushing the hair off her face.

Zoe nodded. "I'm sure."

**~ TBC ~**


	17. Chapter 17

**~ Solar Flare ~**

_Chapter Seventeen - Rho_

_She was warm in his arms, her skin still flushed and sweaty from their lovemaking, and she felt good against him. Better than he'd imagined._

_Jenn lifted her head up from the crook of his arm, peeking at him through a curtain of thick, dark hair. "Promise me something Rollie?"_

_He smiled. "Anything."_

_"Promise me you'll never lie to me."_

_His face grew solemn. "Of course I'd never lie to you Jenn. You know me better than that."_

_"I know, but people do it all the same. Even when you don't think they will. Just a little bending of the truth. Maybe a, "sure I'll meet you at seven for dinner," and then never show up or show up late saying they'd forgotten. Sometimes it's even an outright lie that they know they're never planning on living up to. I've been there Rollie. I've been lied to more times than I can count."_

_"I know." His insides burned with anger as he remembered all the things Ted had done to her when they were together. He'd treated her like shit, always expecting her to be the faithful girlfriend while he did as he pleased and lied about it to her. It had hurt him to watch it but though he wanted to stop it, he knew Ted would brush him off, and Jenn ... well, she wouldn't have given him the time of day after that. Love was blind, refusing to see the faults right there in front of it, and Jenn was a soul who fell in love more deeply than anyone he'd ever known. "I know, baby, I know." He reached out and swept the hair off her face, cupping her cheek as he tucked it behind her ear. "I promise I will never lie to you Jenn. Ever."_

_"Not even a little lie." She met his gaze. "Not even for my own good. I want you to be honest with me about everything, even if it will hurt me."_

_He looked deeply into those brown eyes and knew he was lost. His heart was no longer his. "I promise."_

The memory only made him feel worse. He couldn't sleep at night for seeing either the victim's face or Jenn's face staring back at him in the darkness, both filled with infinite sadness and imploring him to do the right thing. He knew what that was and knew he had to do it soon; it was only a matter of time before lack of sleep drove him to the point where he wasn't going to be able to function any longer.

*** * * * * **

She felt good in his arms. Better than good. Donner once would have said it was just a residual feeling from good love-making, but not anymore. There was that too, but there was something special about holding the woman he loved in his arms that made him feel something he'd never felt before. Ever.

Her skin was warm to the touch but though he had free rein over her body as she dozed in his arms, his hand kept coming back to her belly. He caressed it lovingly, feeling a flip-flop in his stomach that was like fear but wasn't.

"You won't be able to feel it move," Zoe whispered drowsily. "I can't even feel it yet."

"Mmm." The sound rumbled low in his chest and she giggled softly as it tickled her ear. He rubbed her tummy some more. "I'm just appreciating it the way it is now. I suppose it's not going to stay this way for long."

"I suppose not."

There was a comfortable silence between them.

"Boy or girl? What do you think?"

She chuckled. "I think there's a fifty-fifty chance, if I'm remembering my math correctly."

"What are you hoping for?"

Zoe lifted herself up onto her elbow, meeting his eyes in the near-darkness. "I don't really know. I'm not sure I have a preference, or maybe it just hasn't sunk in completely yet and I haven't gotten that far. You?"

"Honestly?"

"Of course."

He drew in a long breath. "I never really wanted to have children Zoe. I told you about my dad 'n' all ... it just wasn't something I ever even thought about. It's come as a surprise now and I guess I'm still processing it too." He swallowed hard. "All I know is that I want to be different than my father. I want my relationship with my kid to be a good one."

She laid a soft hand on his cheek. "Then you're already over halfway there." She smiled. "I think a boy would be perfect for you - give you a chance to right the wrongs of your own childhood and someone to play ball with."

Donner returned her smile, looking surprisingly boyish for his age. "A little girl who looks just like you would be perfect too."

"What if it ends up being a girl who looks like you?"

His nose wrinkled. "That would be the worst cosmic joke the universe has ever played on anyone. Hands down."

She giggled. "Oh, I don't know. You're not so bad looking you know."

"Yeah maybe ... for a man. tell me you noticed that, please."

"Oh I noticed." Zoe grinned impishly and reached down under the covers. "Show me again though, just so I don't forget."

*** * * * * **

"I don't know what you said to Goss, but boy has he changed his tune."

"Sing a song of sixpence."

"Hmm?"

Ted grinned at his wife. "I force-fed him some crow. I guess he decided he liked the taste of it."

Eve sighed. "Well, he certainly knows which side his bread is buttered on."

"He doesn't really have much choice or he'd be out of a job. He has people to answer to just like the rest of us."

"_You _seem to be going rogue," she observed. "It doesn't seem like you're answering to anyone but yourself."

"I'm just keeping the scales balanced. Sometimes I think people forget we're up here for science's sake. Money buys a certain amount of control but we can't let it dictate everything we do. That's even more important when we're dealing with Beta and Gamma. What happens with them is purely science and will impact humanity's future. We can't let "what will people think?" derail us from exploring that fully."

"I'm with you honey. Really, I am. I guess I just worry about the practical side of things."

"I worry too. It's part of the job. But I have to have faith that if this was meant to be that somehow we'll figure out all of the details."

"I hope so."

"We will," Ted said confidently. "Now I've gotta run so give the little guy a huge hug and kiss from me in the morning."

"Will do." Eve smiled and blew him a kiss. "Just make sure you call earlier next time so he can talk to you himself. He misses you terribly."

"Ditto."

*** * * * * **

As they broke apart, all of Wass's insecurities and his general unease around women surfaced with the force of a freight train. What had he been thinking, kissing Paula like that? _ She must have enjoyed it, _his subconscious whispered, clearly smiling. _She didn't exactly pull away and slap you, now did she? _It was true. He looked down at her and her cheeks were flushed, her eyes shining. She looked happy. No, radiant.

"Steven," she said, and there was something in her voice that had never been there before.

"Paula, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean ... " He backed away a step, arms up.

"You didn't mean to kiss me?" Her smiled wavered.

"Well yeah, I did, but I didn't really ... " He trailed off, his face growing red-hot.

"Are you ... you didn't mean ... what is going on?" she demanded.

"I, I ... don't know," he stammered. "It just sort of happened."

She looked at him for a moment. "Do you want to kiss me again?"

"Oh god yes!"

She stepped forward and pulled his head down to hers, locking lips with him as her fingers twined in his hair. The feel of her body against him broke whatever barriers were holding him back and he swept his long arms around her waist and held her tightly.

The eyes of those in mission control and indeed of those all around the world would soon see them but for now they reveled in the chance to be alone together with nothing but the sound of perfect unity and harmony as company.

*** * * * * **

Evram sat in his tiny office space, writing furiously as he documented all of the changes he'd noted, not noticing the figure in the doorway standing and watching him. Eventually that prickly feeling that he always got when he was being watched caught his attention and he looked up. Nadia stood there.

She came in and sat down, taking his glance as an open invitation. Her movements were fluid, feline and exuded sexuality, as always. He had trouble imagining her as a man, though physically it was clear she had every ability to be so. _Are the Beta and Gamma objects giving her another chance to decide what she wants to be? _he wondered. Aloud, he said, "how old were you when it was decided you were going to be female?"

"Well that's certainly the most unique conversation opener I've ever heard," Nadia said, looking both amused and a little uncomfortable.

He smiled. "Sorry, I was just thinking and writing about the changes evident in the crew so in my mind the conversation was already going full swing. I guess I was just wondering about you and why this is happening now."

"If I could tell you I would. Believe me."

"It seems as if the objects are forcing us to confront difficult moments in our lives, where we've been at a fork in the road. Perhaps giving us a second chance to see if we would still choose the same option or go the other way. It struck me that we hadn't talked about when these changes first happened to you and who actually made the decision for you to be female. Was it you?"

Nadia shook her head slowly. "No. My parents made the choice for me when I was eleven and just beginning to enter puberty."

After a pause, Evram voiced the thought they were both pondering. "Maybe this is the objects' way of giving _you_ a chance to decide."

"Perhaps. But it would have been nicer if they'd asked if I wanted to make that decision. I've been perfectly happy being a woman for twenty years. Why would I want to change now?"

He shrugged. "If only I knew why they were doing what they're doing and why us in particular, it would be so much easier. The one thing I do know ... " He paused, drawing in a sharp breath, "is that I'm going to have to tell everyone."

"Do you have to?" Her face began to turn red. "I'd really rather no one know."

"I understand and I'd be happy to keep your secret if I could but this is something beyond the realm of ordinary medicine. Zoe and Donner have both been affected and physically changed. The bosses are going to want to know if anyone else has been changed, and we have to document what happens very carefully. I have no choice but to be honest and have full disclosure of everything I discover. I'm sorry."

Nadia nodded. "I understand."

"I know that doesn't make it any easier for you. Do you want to be the one to break the news to everyone or do you want me to do it?"

"I will. Thank you for giving me the choice."

He smiled. "Of course. Anything I can do."

**~ TBC ~**


	18. Chapter 18

**~ Solar Flare ~**

_Chapter Eighteen - Sigma_

"So was that manly enough for you?" Donner panted as they slid down under the covers, bodies still slicked and chilled with sweat.

"Definitely." Zoe smiled as she ran her hands through his hair. It turned into more of a smirk as she fingered the HALO behind his ear. "I shudder to think how much more intense and frequent this would be if you didn't have a libido suppressant. No wonder you and Nadia ... "

He raised his head and gave her a penetrating look. "You think that's why I slept with her? With you? Because I couldn't keep it in my pants?"

She shrugged.

He flopped onto his back. "Do you know what it feels like to have done something so horrible that you can't ever forget it? To know that every time you close your eyes it will haunt you and that you'll never be able to rest again?" He turned to look at her. "Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see were Walker and Sharon's faces - mostly Sharon since I cared about her so much more. I couldn't sleep Zoe. I was afraid to even blink. So I drank whenever I could get away with it. I drank until I passed out. When I had to stay sober for work, I ... " He cleared his throat. "I tried to find other ways of not being alone and keeping myself occupied until I fell asleep so I wouldn't see them staring at me; accusing me. I did what I did because I didn't know any other way to get through it without going completely mad. The other guys made a joke of it, calling me a Casanova, but the truth is that I spent every night with someone because I was terrified of being alone."

Zoe bit her lip. "I'm sorry. I had no idea."

"How could you? It's not like I ever talked about it."

"Even with Ted? He was there too."

"Yeah, but he wasn't the one in the lander. I was solely responsible for leaving them there."

"You were following orders."

"Sometimes following orders is the wrong thing to do. They don't teach you that in the program, but it's true. You have to follow your gut instincts."

"Goss would crucify you if he heard you talking like that." Zoe smiled.

"Probably, but if I followed orders you'd have been left on Venus to die, just like Sharon and Walker. And if we all followed orders, our baby would be killed." He tightened his arms around her. "I'm not losing you. Either of you. I'll do anything I have to, to make sure you're safe. Orders be damned."

She lay her head down on his chest and smiled. "I always knew there was a romantic buried somewhere deep inside you."

"Let's keep it our little secret."

*** * * * * **

Rollie sat in the police holding cell, chewing his index fingernail. They'd stripped him, booked him and already done all of the paperwork to get him locked up. Driving under the influence, grievous bodily injury, leaving the scene of the crime ... it was enough to get him a trial though, perhaps not jail time. If the girl died the charges would be upped to involuntary manslaughter, with a sentence of minimum five years.

He didn't even mind. Five years in prison meant he'd get to see Jenn almost as soon as he got out. _ Assuming she's still talking to you._ He sighed. That was next; telling her the whole story. He had one phone call and this time he knew what he had to do. As hard as it was going to be, he had to come clean with her. It wasn't long in coming and he managed to get through on a secure, private line, thanks to Clare who'd asked no questions.

He forced himself to sound cheerful. "Hey babe, how're you doing?"

"Meh." He could almost see her shrug. "How come there's no video?"

"I'm not at work or home."

"Where are you?"

"Well, that's a long story." He sighed. "To begin with, I'm going to have to apologize and beg you to forgive me."

She didn't answer but Rollie could hear her suspicion coming over the wire loud and clear. "Jenn?"

"I'm sorry Rol, I can't forgive you until I know what it is you've done. Even then ... "

He closed his eyes. "I lied to you."

"You lied to me?" The words came slowly. "You promised me you'd _never _... "

"I know, baby, I know. And I wouldn't. Never, not about the stuff we talked about. But this is big. Huge."

Her voice was flat, lifeless. "You've found someone else."

"God no! I love you Jenn, only you ... I miss you so damned much! No, I ... I did something stupid ... got in an accident and was afraid to tell you." He swallowed hard. "I was afraid you'd think me a horrible person."

"Tell me."

He did, leaving out nothing. By the time he was done, she had tears in her eyes. "Oh Rol." She bit her lip. "No wonder you've been looking awful lately. You must be worried sick. How is the girl?"

"Not good. Still on life support." His eyes dropped. "That isn't the worst of it though."

"There's more?"

He told her about the charges. "Goss tried to have them dropped and made me go back to work but I just couldn't do it." His voice broke.

"He bought off the family so you could go free and no one would ever know?" Jenn said, piecing it all together. "What a bastard."

"Her life can't be sacrificed just so the good name of the ISO doesn't get tarnished. I'm responsible and I have to pay for what I've done."

"Rollie." Jenn held her hand up to the black screen, as if able to touch him through it. "I love you baby."

"I know," he whispered. "I love you too. But I don't know what's going to happen to me so I have to say goodbye for a while."

Two officers walked up behind him. "Your five minutes are up."

"I'll talk to you again as soon as I can. I love you Jenn!"

"I love you too," she whispered back, tears falling freely now, though the line was dead and he could no longer hear her.

*** * * * * **

Zoe and Evram were still clearing away the last of lunch when the meeting convened in the dining area. Ted sensed a certain tension in the room and searched each person's face and body language to find the source of it. It wasn't hard to see. Nadia. There was definitely an uncomfortableness in the way she held herself, as though she were trying very hard to keep all emotions under wraps. Jenn too, though she was less capable of keeping her emotions off her face. He knew something was bothering her without needing more than a cursory glance.

"We'll be brief as I know everyone has duties to attend to. Evram, I need a quick report on everything you've noticed in our body scans. Zoe, Jenn - the lab report, and Nadia and Donner, a quick maintenance check to make sure the ship is in full working order."

Evram cleared his throat and began talking. He had a fair amount to talk about even without getting into Nadia's specifics, as they all still had unnatural brain wave patterns and a few of them had begun to have slightly distorted vitals. Not enough to worry about, but up here every little detail mattered.

"And there's one other thing you need to be aware of ... " He looked pointedly at Nadia who, in perfect character for her, blurted out her physical anomaly without beating around the bush.

Not a single person was able to stop their mouth from dropping wide open. Ted watched Donner carefully, as the news had to be the most disturbing for him. His eyes widened and jaw dropped like everyone else's, then a rather distasteful look crossed his face, as though he'd eaten something unpalatable that he could neither swallow nor spit out.

"What the hell ... ?" Donner finally said, breaking the silence. "So you're a woman _and _a man?"

Evram broke in and explained Nadia's condition in more detail. "It's not all that uncommon actually. Nadia's situation is different because of her exposure to the objects. A person can live their entire lives happily as whatever sex they choose without anyone knowing otherwise, and many do."

"So now what?" Jenn, always the practical one, asked.

"Apparently I'm going to get to choose again," Nadia said. Zoe couldn't help but notice how red her face was and how she kept stealing glances at Donner.

"What if you choose and Evram ... fixes things for you but then the objets reverse it again?"

No one answered for a moment. "I think we're better off not dwelling on 'what if' and just living day to day," Ted said finally. "Take what comes and roll with it."

"I don't think we have much choice," Wass said, breaking into the conversation for the first time. "Regardless of what any of us would like to think, I don't think we're in control here."

"I really don't like the thought of that," Nadia said. "No one controls my destiny but me."

"Well apparently they do, 'else how do you explain what's happening to you?"

Her face flamed but she shrugged and shook her head. "I can't."

"I think we have to look at this entire venture as a great big science experiment," Evram said.

"With us as the lab mice?"

"We were handpicked, as it were," Ted mused. "I'm no more comfortable with this than you are but Evram's right. This is an experiment. We observe and collect data and see where it takes us."

"So we don't interfere or try to stop what's happening?" Paula asked.

"Not unless it becomes dangerous. For now we focus on the mission - getting to Mars and retrieving the object we couldn't get last time, and observing what happens around and within us on the way."

**~ TBC ~**


End file.
